"Neither," he said. " Although it would probably work for both. "

He pointed to the skull-shaped ceramic incense burner on the mantle from which a thin curl of smoke was ascending. " I am producing a Spiritual Holy Inspired Talisman for the Realization of Uniity with the The Infinite.   As you know, the signals from the smell receptors go directly to the brain where they cause evocation of memories. You know that certain odors call up memories."

" I know that", I said. " And whatever-it-is you have burning is evoking a strong memory of the mosquito-repelling smudges my grandfather used to burn when we were camping out. He referred to it as cow-pie smudge. "

"Very good, " Dzogvi said. "What I am burning as a Sacrifice to the Gods is pure, unadulterated bullshit which I have dried in my microwave oven and then mixed into little pellets with a little half and half. It burns with a pure purple flame, signifying the negation and total annihilation of the concept it represents. I have had a nocturnal visitation from the Spirit Aacaridius who instructed me to require the Burning of the Bullshitas a regular ritual by all of my chela Initiates.

" Where are they going to get it?" I asked. "People who live mostly in cities don't have a whole lot of access to unconstipated cows of the male persuasion."

"That is true," Dzogvi admitted, " but I have a Guru-Maharishi buddy who has a small ranch in Idaho who has resident bulls availble for rent to other cattle breeders in the vicinity. I will have an unlimited supply."

" I'm sure you will," I sniffed. "But how will you make a buck, pardon me, attract love offerings, if the stuff is so available?"

" No problem," Dzogvi said. " In my Disquisition on the Sacred Holy Inspirational Text regarding Rituals, I will require that only the Droppings of a Pure and Perfect Red Bull, one which has been untouched by any hands except those of a God-Conscious Cowherd, may be used; and the pellets must be untouched by any hands except those of a pure virgin who has mixed the pellets with milk from her breasts." I will," he continued, " call upon Sacred-Holy-Spirit-Tourist-Who-Is-Always-With-Us to bathe the pellets in the Pure White Light of his Approbation.  I will announce that without the Blessing and Sacred Light Irradiation of the Sacred Holy Inspired Tourist, Spiritual Holy Incense Talismanic burnings will have no Spiritual Force or Effect. Thus, they will have to use my bullshit exclusively."

"And I would expect that You would graciously make the pellets available for a reasonable fee?"

"Perish that crass commercial thought," Dzogvi said. " I will have nothing to do with the production and sale of the pellets. All that will be handled by a dummy non-profit corporation which will provide the marketing services. "

"That is a tall order, Dzogvi, "I said. "But it sure lays a mystical-magical mantle on the stuff."