"Every religion has its dogma," I observed, gratuitously. " It is de rigour in the temple, tabernacle, revival tent, or  street-corner."

"Okay,"  he said.  " How about I have a revelation? I figure that the big reason that people get involved in religion is to save & protect whatever it is that they consider to be their souls, which is another way of saying that they are not much enthralled with the idea of death and dissolution, and they want to find a way out that does not involve such not-pleasant things. Right?"

"Not well said, " I observed, " but workable."

" So because every body is suffering from ignorance, error, and bad habits, they can never really escape from their present nasty existence unless they learn to get beyond their present state of confusion and escape into The Great unknown of the Mind." How's that?"

" You mean in-mind or out-of-mind?" I asked.

" I am thinking of something like out-of-body, out-of-mind; you know, like when you take an LSD or mescaline trip, only without the illegal drugs. Everybody has dreamed of flying without wings, of looking down on themselves from a high place. I'll tell them how to do it."

"Why don't you call it something jazzy like " Soul Travel" or "Astral Projection:" or maybe "Astral Projection Soul Travel"? Maybe you could offer "Frequent Astral Flyer Miles " to those who learn to do it?"

"Might work," Dzogvi said. " Nobody has ever actually seen a soul, and nobody has ever seen someone else having an out-of-body experience. If I have a revelation that I can project MY soul to any place in the universe and I tell them that they can do it too, provided that they follow My Way and Discipline."

" I think I had better have still another revelation, " Dzogvi said. " I want to offer a superior and exclusive form of Out-Of-Body experience which will take the suppliant to the very door of Nirvana, so that he can peer through and see The Pure Purple Formless Existence of those who have had the courage to pass through the door. I will call this plane of existence "Damgus" in honor of the seventh son of Saint Ascaridius, who was himself a seventh son."

"I didn't know that.", I said. "Damgus??

" I just whomped that up," Dzogvi said.

"It occurs to me that I will have to whomp up a name for the suppliants who will humbly seek to study my Spiritual Holy Inquiry Testament, the Word of Ascaridius. How about Pisants?

" Don't you mean puissant" I asked." it means power in French."

It might grow on me, " I said. "But right now, Pisant sounds too much like Piss-ant."

"But that's good, " Dzogvi said. " it will impart a proper spirit of humility. If I make them begin with a lowly status they will be much more appreciative when I promote them to Initiate."

"So exactly what is it that the Pisants have to do to be "admitted"?

" I'm working on a revelation on that. " Dzogvi said. Any Dogma worthy of the name has got to include some stuff abut Oneness With the Infinite, Life After Death, Trancendentalized Meditation, Confession of Sins, Forgiveness of Sins, Salvation, Reincarnation, all stuff like that. Got to throw in some rituals and sacrifice, too. People need ritual, dogma, fantasy, enchantment. and maybe a little orgying now and then. I can promise all that."

"Why not?" I said, not as a question.

" In my revelation, I will require that for each Pisant to proceed in the Sacred Holy Inquiry Territory, he or she must submit totally to the guidance and Spiritual Control of an Ascaridius Master, who will have My permission to plug the Pisant into the Great Quantum Cosmic Electronic Flow Which Connects Us to the Infinite; where the two of them, one-on-one, so to speak, will feel the electronicized current and optically visualize and auditorially experience the fringes of the infinite, oneness with the Immanent, Omniscient, Omnipotent Ineffable One.

" You haven't mentioned any demons or devils or bad spirits. "Dzogvi, " I said. " Are you dissing Lucifer?"

" You have a point, pisant," Dzogvi said. " I really cannot have the absolute, unqualified, greatest good without an absolute, unqualified greatest evil to set it against. But abstractions don't grab people like personalities do. Names like Lucifer, Kal, and Satan are already copyrighted. however, so I had better whomp up a new Total Evil Entity.

"How about a name like "Natas" I suggested. "That's Satan spelled backwards."

"I'll have a revelation on that, " Dzogvi said. " Natas has a certain air about it. I could inveigh against Natas with AntiNatas chants and epithets. Might fly."

" I assume that you will incorporate all this theology into your Spiritual Holy Inquiry Testament as you translate it from the Tablets of Iridium with the help of the Spiritual Holy Insight Tourist, Ascaridius."

"Of course," Dzogvi said." I will Pen one hundred and forty four Disquisitions which I will mandate as required study for each Pisant during the Sacred Holy Interim Two Years of Study preceding Initiation.