"I have had a relevation", he said. " In a dream -- no, a Sacred Holy Inspirational Thought came to me in a vision which ordained that I am going to discover a cache of iridium plates upon which Ascaridius had inscribed his Sacred Holy Inspired Testament. The Spirit of Ascaridius will inhabit my earthly body and inspire Me to translate the pre-indic hieroglyphics into modern English."

"That's easy for you to say, " I observed, "but you will need some stuff that at least holds water. I mean, substance, truly moral stuff."

"No problem," he said. I will have read all of the morality stuff in the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Vedas, the Koran, and of course, the recent stuff in the discorses, disquisitions, and use-net writings and the Girl Scout Handbook; and I will copy the passages that grab me. Then I will re-write them; and after two or three re-write cycles not even a Cray will be able to tell where the stuff came from. I'll divide the stuff up into Disquisitions of a couple of thousand words, and give each a grabass title.  Us Master Gurus call this process Synthesization. We all steal from one another, you know."

"Might work," I conceded. " There are at least a thousand variations on the theme of " You can do as you please so long as you don't injure anyone."

" But I don't want to please them too much too soon. You know how they do Soaps; Make 'em laugh, make 'em cry, and Make 'em Wait.
I will announce that the Spirit of Ascaridius, of which I am now the living incarnation, has ordained that only one Disquisition may be revealed each month; and that no one may be inspired, guided, and blessed unless and until he or she has read and studied and understood each of the preceding Disquisitions"

"You have a remarkable sense of suspense and drama, Dzogvi," I said. "Are you sure that Ascaridius is not the free-floating apparation of P.T.Barnum or Sam Goldwyn?"

"Right, Pisant," Dzogvi chortled. " And in order to give my stuff gravitas and credibility, I will acknowledge my debt to the Great Saints and Teachers, upon whose back-sides  and wisdom I now stand.   A little humility, you know."

" The irridium plates may give you trouble," I said. " That stuff is indestructible, and somebody is going to want to see them."

" My revelation covers that," he said. "After my encounter with Sant Ascaridius, when he Inspires me to translate the plates, He will whisk them away to the Ninth Plane of Existance where they will be shown only to My followers who have diligently studied all my Teachings and have been initiated up through all the Nine Planes of Spiritual Existence. "

"So at some point you will have to actually exhibit the Sacred Holy Irridium Tablets of Ascaridius?" I asked.

""Do you beleive in your profound spiritual inner heart that anyone will ever reach The Ninth Plane?" he asked. " Can anyone but Me ever be that Holy?"

"I am dazzled by your Sacred Holy Inspired Thinking," I said.