"Okay, " I said. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, " He said, " I have revealed the existence of Nine Planes of Existence, and the Door, that is, the Sacred Portal, to Each of the Planes can only be traversed by one who has been initiated to that level after Diligent Study of the Disquisitions, and After a special Auro-Karmic Cleansing ritual which I shall prescribe for that particular Plane.

After I have pleased to Reveal the Secret Names of the Holy Facets of the Nonagon: (1) The Physiqueary ; (2), The Astralagus, ( 2) , The Casualary; (3, The Mentalistic, (4), The Aetherial, and (5), The Soul Holistic Inhibition Transferencial  I will assign a subordinate god to be the chair-spirit over each of the facets. "

"Dzogvi, " I said, " Do you have a whole herd of gods at your beck & call?

" Don't say HERD, " Dzogvi said. " You don't diss the gods. Say Pantheon. I have in mind a Panoply of Pantheonic Personages, to which I shall refer as the PPP.

" So tell me about this Sacred Holy Interiour Territory you have staked out. "How does one get admitted?"

"Well, every Pisant is already in the Psysiqueary Level, which is the default level. We will require them to Register, I.E. state in writing their intention to Study the Sacred Holy Inspired Testaments, after which we will keep them on tap there while they Diligently Delve into the Disquisitions for a couple of years and, of course keep their subscriptions current and submit to scheduled Auro-Karmic Cleansing. At the end of that time we will invite them to apply for Initiation to the Astralagus Level."

The initiation ritual will require a laying-on-of-hands in what I am going to call the Sacred Hand Investiment Touching, which will involve the Swinging of the Pendlant Pendulum over the head, a joint-crooning of the Mystical Tone Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat Nam three times in the Therapeutic Trilogy, and a Dispensation of the Mantra. The Dispensation Ritual will require the Initiate to sign a pledge that his or her first-born child will be sacrificed if the initiate should ever, under any conceivable circumstances, disclose or divulge The Mantra to any living person, including the FBI. The initiate will, of course, be expected to keep up his subscription to the Disquistions, to undergo Auric-Karmic Cleansing, and to speak respectfully at all times of His Charismatic Leader, namely, ME. We ill also issue the new Initiate a Sacred Talisman, a Yantra, which will be tastefully inscribed with the Sacred Seal, and the date of the Initiation, commemorating the passage of the Sacred Holy Initiation Threshhold.

"So, Okay, Dzogvi, " I said. "We now have a new Initiate. Does he/she get a title or something?"

" Not really, " Dzogvi said. " Except that we will no longer refer to him/her as Pisant. We will expect that the name INITIATE will suffice for the first. As a Sacred Ritual, we will require that each person who attends our colloquiums ( which is what I will call our Prayer Meetings) to present the Sacred Talisman as an admission ticket. The Spiritual Holy Incense Talismanic burnings will be a required ritual at each colloquium, along with the Sacred Holy Intonement Tone chant, of which I will say more presently."

"Sounds all very Mystical-Magical to me, " I said. "But What do I know"

"You are my favorite listener, Pisant, " Dzogvi said. "I will reward you in due course."

" I was afraid of that, " I said. "but no matter. Is there more?"

" A  LOT more, "  Dzogvi said. " But you get the drift. Each of the Sacred Levels will require a period of extended diligent delving into my Sacred Holy Inspirational Testamentary disquisitions, and of course, periodic Auric-Karmic Cleansing. This will insure their diligent devotion to my Spiritual Holy Inspirational Therapy, and which in time and with endless repetition, will become ingrained as habit.  What has Brown & Williamson or coke that I can't whomp up?

" How about skin-patches for those who want to quit?" I asked.

"Don't diss me, Pisant, " Dzogvi declared, darkly.