"Join the club, Dzogvi, " I said. " Depending upon whose dogma you read, anything is possible."

"That is no help, " he complained. " For instance, suppose I wanted to be reincarnated as Mahatma Ghandi or John-the-Baptist or even as Elvis Presley? How would I go about placing my order?

"I don't think it works that way, " I said. "At least not in the religions I know about. What happens is that you remember glimmerings of a previous life; and If your Gurushrink can amplify the glimmerings, you might be able to remember that you WERE Elvis. Some people, usually women, have been able to recall numerous past lives, or so they claim."

"I'm not interested in retroactive reincarnation right now, " he said. "I want to deal with What-Happens-To-Us-When-We-Die."

"Well, " I said, "there aren't a whole lot of witnesses to Life-After-Death around, and so far as I know,  ALL of them are dead. There was Jesus, of course; but he never wrote any Sacred Holy Inspired Testament;  and Lazarus-- but he never gave any depositions on the subject. There are a lot of Near-Deathers around, though. You might ask some of them."

"The problem with the Near-Deathers" Dzogvi observed, " is that none of them died.  All they can talk about is how they NEARLY died; and how they saw a light at the end of the tunnel and heard voices that told them to invent a religion. Every one of them spent time in a coma, which meant that their brains were oxygen-starved; and anoxia is a condition which can generate delusions, illusions, hallucinations, lies, and permanent brain-damage."

"Have you no faith, " I asked, "in the credibility of the Near-Deathers?"

"Credibility is the word, " Dzogvi said. " There are too many instances of anoxia, sub-dural hematoma, and alcoholic episodes in which the person has no memory of the traumatic incident. Wipes the memory out for some period of time, and there is an unfortunate tendency for the person to confabulate about what he can't actually recall."

"Well, " I said, " some Near-Deathers claim to be Born-Again as a result of their experience. A whole lot of new-birthing goes on in that barn-yard.."

"No sale, " Dzogvi said. " A lot of two-time felons have had Near-Life experiences, too, and have been Born-Again. I can beleive that the Near-Deather beleives what he thinks he remembers;  but Until I can know what is in his mind, that is as far as I want to go."

"But how about Reincarnation?" I asked. "we have strayed from the subject."

" I want to be able to promise Reincarnation with a straight face, " Dzogvi said. "my face, that is.  I need some rationalization to beleive in it."

" How about this, "I said. " The biologists say that every cell in your body divides and replaces itself over a seven-year period. That means that in truth your very body has been "reincarnated", not once, but as many times as there seven-year periods in your life."

" But that means that I have simply been Reincarnated as Myself, " Dzogvi said. " Where is the pizazz in that?"

"Truth isn't always pizazzy, " I said. " But this is beleivable."

"Okay, " he said, a little sadly. " But that means that I have no hope of coming back as Mahatma Ghandi or Mother Theresa or even Elvis Presley."

"Not all bad, " I said. " Why would you want to be dead like they are?

"Good Point, " Dzogvi said. " I have just whomped up  a revelation which I will include in my Disquisition. We will set up a ritual in which the Initiates will inscribe their Reincarnation Orders on specially formatted Sacred Holy Inscription Text parchment which will be blessed by the Sacred Holy Inspired Tourist-who-is-always-with-us, and Interred in the 
Sacred Holy Indestructible Testamentary Akashic archives, for which service , of course, we will expect a Love Offering."

"Keep those Love Offerings coming," I said. " Just remind them that they can't take it with them."

"I like it", he said. "Only those who have been Diligent Disquisition Delvers for an appropriate time would be eligible for The Reincarnation Ritual, and of course, only after a thorough Auric-Karmic Cleansing Ritual so that their Residual Karmic Soul Infections will not contaminate the Sacred Holy Inspired Tourist-who-is-always-with-us.