The SatGuruMaharishi Shri Dzogvi Gzboli
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Has your Mantra/Tone become limp and flaccid? Does it utterly fail to connect you with the Cosmic Sound Current? Order a new or refurbished Mantra Choose from: Names Of God (up to three. Extra charge for five or more) Names of Sants, Saints, Gurus and other living elebrities. (Small extra charge If channeling is required to contact deceased Spirits) Custom Mantras our specialty. Just specify which Gods, Demons, or spirits you wish to invoke. 50 percent off on trade-ins. We recondition and refurbish used mantras. Tones Recharged Free. Vampire insurance available Our Mantras will be sent to you in a plain brown wrapper. |
Has your Yantra lost its pizazz? Has it lost its "object spirit"? Do the Gods and Spirits ignore your pleas? Replace it. and have absorbed his Personal Holy eminations. Select from: Holy Sticks Holy Bones Holy Stones Holy Coprolites Our Yantras are guaranteed to be ancient and moldy. Some Glow in the dark. All are guaranteed to evoke Spiritual Trancendence. Note: Some of our Yantras can be shipped only by Spiritual Express. |
Has your Mudra become meaningless? Has its "special" gesticulation power dissipated? Do your best gestures fail to get divine attention? Try a new one. and body movements guaranteed to get the attention of your chosen diety or object of worship. Each Mudra is described in easy-to-understand positions, with full explanations of its Spiritual Significance and potential dangers. Pure & Perfect Red Bull Incense. Meets all Church Initiation Requirements. Personally Blessed by Shri Dzogvi. PRODUCES A POWERFUL AROMA of Sanctity  |
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Has your Mandala lost its Ying-Yang? Focus on a new Gzboli creation: Not sold without valid prescription even the best of Mandalas eventually get fuzzy and mouldy. Let Dzogvi Gzboli charge a new on for you. Warning: Premature over-exposure to a freshly charged Mandala may induce irreversible auto-hypnosis or even catatonia. Not sold without a valid Guru presciption. Are you blinded by the Celestial Light as you meditate? We have a new shipment of Eyeball Protectors which have been Spiritually Blessed by His Holiness. Approved for all In-Church Light Rituals. ----------------------------------------------- 
TEST YOUR VISION |
Are you weighted down by a load of bad Karma? Drop your bad Karma on one of our Scrape-goats. Check our no-return guarantee. on one of our Specially cloned rental Scrape-Goats? Next-day delivery on our Scrape-Goat rentals. A good-faith Spiritual Deposit is required. (Your Karmic accretions will be scraped off the Goat when it is returned for full deposit. ) recycling by other religions. can be traumatic if you land on your unprotected coccyx. We have a new shipment of Coccyx Buffer Pads. Inquire |
No need to suffer from a dim or discolored Aura. Have yours tuned up and re-colorized. Why pay up to one-hundred dollars to have your Aura
Balanced by your current
eminations and fully interface your Spiritual Energies. If your present Aura has become excessively lop-sided or Karmicly discolored, you may wish to order one of the new models which feature automatic prismatic color-correction. A small extra charge is required for installation. Spiritual Alarm System. Used by Awareness Adventurers everywhere. Select the ToneAlert or Vibrator model |
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Want to come back as Elvis? Place your Order now for your next rebirth Don't want to come back AT ALL? in His Astral-BatMail box for instant transmission to the Nirvana Processing Center. Act now: Some popular personages are already booked up. Elvis is closed until 2010; Marilyn is closed until 2025. Many historical figures are still open. Don't want to come back at all? Let us book a one-way departure. A small extra charge is required for processing no-reincarnation orders. Guaranteed. No one has ever returned to complain. Mystic Pendulum lost its swing? Has it begun to move erratically? We have a new shipment of Mystic Pendulums. These have been specially activated by the latest Photo-ablation Karma Detection Bliss-givers. Secret Mudra? Can you recognize its' Spiritual Negativity Significance? Are you being unconsciously digitally dissed? We have the latest Spiritual Choreography References. Meditation? Try Dzogvi's POWER MEDITATION Accelerator Do three Hours in 5 minutes! Assimilation thru mastication! Dzogvi's Prayer Chips are Tasty Pastry Discs Inscribed with your mantra: Enjoy the flavor of your Sacred Words as you meditate! Inquire about new flavors New Item Anti-bacterial Holy Water Personally Blessed by Sri Dzogvi
Sign Up NOW for Nocturnal Visitations by Sudar Singh, Rebazar Tarzs, Yaubl Sacabi, Fubbi Quantz Be the First on your block to SEE THE SAINTS in their underwear
Dzogvi Cleanser Spiritually Constipated?
Amazing new spiritual cleansing formula flushes out the
harmful, energy-draining
Now you can with Dzogvi-Cleanser. |
Sacred Holy Inspired Testament Instruction and Tutorials 1. Basic Instruction Beginners Course 37: Breath Control Locus Focus Visualization Church History and Dogma Near-Death Experience Use of Karmic Plasters Course 101 Trancendentalized Meditationalism for Initiates Course 104 Sound Current Detection and Spiritual Demodulation Techniques Beginning Confabulation Course 106 Auric Color Analysis & Balancing: Detection of hallucination (Open to Color Blind Initiates) Course 108 Doctrinal Confabulation Training Advanced Dissimulation Course 110 Creative Polysesquipedalianism for the verbally challenged PREREQUISITE: Course 108 Course 114 Sprucing up the Seminar with Spiritual Bloviation Course 118 Sexual Irrelevance for Spiritual Relevators Defending the Divinerumpranger Course 120 The Right Spiritual Stuff for Yogic Flight ; Yogic Hopping, Sole Travel; Incremental Catatonia Trans-celestial navigation Counselling for Defectors from other religions Tuesdays at 8:00 pm Bring towels and dry socks HOMELAND SECURITY CLEARANCE. Is Your Soul Registered with the HOMELAND SECURITY? Use Dzogvi's Registration Forms SRI DZOGVI Knows Your Pain. Assuage His Pain With Your LOVE OFFERING You may now order your CERTIFICATE OF NON-PARTICIPATION PROVE THAT YOU
Private
Consultation
Right From the
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You Can Fly No Pilot License Required Not satisfied with mere "yogic hopping"? Want to get into Soul Travel?
Basic Fee Schedules and Policies Per Gainfully Employed Adult .. . . . . $.75 Per Student (college level) . . . . . . . . . . . .$.50 Family Rate (up to 4 persons) . .. . . . . . . . $1.00 (forup to two SignificantOthers) add .$.25 Retired Persons (either sex). . . . . . . $.35 Persons having no visible means
of support are required to pay in advance.
Inquire about Group Rates for Corporate Large Group Awareness Training. Make checks and money-orders payable
We have the documentation to prove you are CERTIFIABLE Have trouble connecting with the INFINITE? Jump-start your meditation with our fully-transistorized digital cell Cosmic Sound-Current SoulPlug. Notire Basura Bullshit Detector/Eliminator Incantation Insulate your Soul-Psyche from deceptive polysesquipedalism Fully approved and blessed by Dzogvi Gzboli
Now on Order: Praying Furbies Suitable for all Devotional Uses: Chants all standard names of Dieties (Hu, Ani-hu, OM, ONK, etc) Dressed in Saffron Robes May be programmed to recite YOUR mantra For a small extra charge Tones included FREE We have the New REINCARNATION PASSES Skip undesirable reincarnations Be the first in your block to be admitted directly to NIRVANA SORRY, NO REFUNDS OR
Be the First in your Satsang to wear a Dzogvi Tee Shirt  |
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METAL DETECTOR Emits a loud BUZZ when coins are offered. ENCOURAGES OFFERINGS OF BILL$ Options: 1.Detects Small Denomination bills; emits an electronically generated voice saying "Cheep-O" 2. Detecte $20 or $50 bills; Emits a solemn "HUUUUUUU la leuYa!" |
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EXORCISE WITH DZOGVI'S QUICK QUACK-ZAPPER This pocket-size electronic marvel emits indetectible ultrahigh-frequency oscillatory sound radiation along with noxious sulphur-based odours which repel and exorcize deceptive beings which would prey on your Soul or your bank account. Has an integral electronic vocalizer which says " BullShit!" in clear, cultured tones. USED BY SAVVY GURUS EVERYWHERE
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| The
Conversations |
. | Sacred Holy
Inspired Texts |
. | The
Disquisitions |
. | About
Dzogvi Gzboli |
. | Home Page |
