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"... there we found her, our beloved monarch, The Darklady Apocalypse, smiling on her throne, after taking a long drag on the glowing ember in her hand which she was now offering to those who entered the room. The smoke filled roomed brought upon us an unsettling bewilderment. The stores of our wealth, wealth set aside for the purchase of our palace, gone; depleted by this, her created addiction ... be warned! no wealth is safe. "
~ Lords of Apocalypse
To begin, one must obtain the proper tools and herbs. All items can be purchased in almost any town. Start by obtaining, a whittiling knife, a baking pan, an alembic, a mortar and pestle, a torch, brimstone, turpeth, neutral balm, and finally Hyssop and Henbane. Beware on these latter items, the herbs. Do not merely pick them up off the ground of fair Dereth, no telling what animal excremented them before the killing blow! See that you purchase them from a proper shopkeep. Once one has obtained all necessary items work can begin.
It's recommended one use the Shoyanen, the tired Mage. .She's a kindly lady and keeps a clean tower. Under no circumstances travel to the desert mage, Fadashil al-Tashbi. Rumor has it, since there is no obvious garden like unto Celdiseth's, Fadashil collects his herbs from dung of recently slain fauna, nasty one he is.
The first task is to whittle a Henbane Leaf. Since Henbane is purchased in small stalk portions from the shopkeep, certain skill is required to whittle the leafs off the stalk and shape them, the larger leaves requiring more skill. If one is an effective Master Fletcher, a Large Henbane Leaf can be produced, otherwise a Small Henbane Leaf is produced.
| You skillfully whittle a Large Henbane Leaf |
| You whittle a Small Henbane Leaf |
The second task is to prepare the Hyssop. This is a multi-step process and includes multiple skills. The first half of this process is to prepare a drying oil. The drying oil is made by only the most skilled Apothecary's in the following manner.
Brimstone and Turpeth potions must be processed through an Alchemist's Alembic. Failure in this process will cause the loss of the potion.
| You produce Acid Infusion |
| You produce Fire Infusion |
The resulting Acid and Fire Infusions must be combined with delicate care to produce a Drying Infusion. Failure to produce a Drying Infusion has oft resulted in the singeing of hair as well as the burning of much flesh.
| You produce Drying Infusion |
You fail to create Drying Infusion
You suffer xx points of acid/fire damage |
Once a Drying Infusion has been made it must be converted to an oil for the undiluted power of the infusion would dissolve more than just outer layers of the Hyssop. This is done by accurately combining the drying infusion with a neutral balm.
| You produce Drying Oil |
| You excessively dilute Drying Infusion rendering it useless |
With Drying Oil in hand the second half of the process may be continued by curing the Hyssop. Similar to the oiling of ravenar guts for bow strings, this must be done with extreme caution. Too much oil will ruin the Hyssop and too little will cause it to cure unevenly.
| You liberally apply Drying Oil to Hyssop creating Cured Hyssop |
| You fumble in the application of the Drying Oil to the Cured Hyssop |
Now that the Hyssop has been cured the drying process can begin. The Cured Hyssop must be carefully laid out in the baking pan, taking care to flatten out any wrinkles and bend down curled edges. Truly, this is one of the most difficult steps in the process as the timing for each batch is slightly different. It takes the skills of a Culinary Master to declare the Cured Hyssop ... perfectly dried.
| You expertly bake Cured Hyssop resulting in Dried Hyssop |
| You burn Cured Hyssop into ash |
Dried Hyssop can be smoked in full leaf form, but most of its properties are only obtained when crushed and tightly packed. To create the Crushed Dried Hyssop you must once again call upon the skills of an Apothecary. Mortar & Pestle in hand the skilled alchemist will know the proper granularity for optimal result.
| You ground Dried Hyssop into Crushed Dried Hyssop |
| You drop mortar releasing your Crushed Dried Hyssop into the air. You begin sobbing profusely |
Now in the final step, one is guaranteed to produce a joint while its resulting quality is dependant the skills of fletching. Highly skilled in the productions of his trade, the fletcher has the nimble fingers to produce the highest quality of joint.
| You clumsily roll a Loosely Rolled Hyssop Joint |
| You produce a Rolled Hyssop Joint |
| You carefully roll a Tightly Rolled Hyssop Joint |
| You nimbly roll a Large Tightly Rolled Hyssop Joint |
Now that you have your joint you are left in the conundrum of whether to sell it or smoke it. The Darklady appears to prefer the later option. Before you can smoke a joint you must light it. With a torch being the most common source of fire one must take care not to stick the joint too far into the flames, for if you are careless, your joint may go "Up in Smoke!".
You use torch on Loosely Rolled Hyssop Joint producing
Danby's Hash |
| With the flames of the torch burning your finger tips you drop your Loosely Rolled Hyssop Joint into the fire. You weep like a mite child |
You use torch on Rolled Hyssop Joint producing
Rumuba's Reefer |
| With the flames of the torch burning your finger tips you drop your Rolled Hyssop Joint into the fire. You emote "smackhead" repeatedly chanting "Stupid!, Stupid!" |
You use torch on Tightly Rolled Hyssop Joint producing
McDugal's Mary Jane |
| With the flames of the torch burning your finger tips you drop your Tightly Rolled Hyssop Joint into the fire. You attempt to snort the ashes taking xx fire damage. |
You use torch on Large Tightly Rolled Hyssop Joint producing
Ulgrim's Uber Phat Doobie |
| With the flames of the torch burning your finger tips you drop your Large Tightly Rolled Hyssop Joint into the fire. You simply "/die" |
After all that work you should be ready to take a toke from your blazing glory. The use of a lit joint is similar to that of a healing kit. Chance dictates the length of your inhalation which can come in one of three forms; toke, drag or long drag.
- Toke: Counts as 1 hit of a lit joint.
- Drag: Counts as 3 hits of a lit joint.
- Long drag: Counts as 5 hits of a lit joint
It is quite possible to use up an entire Danby's Hash in one use! Like healing kits you can "use" them on others (great for pK), unless you trust your friends. Though joints are giveable, they may not be returned.
The use of joints is not without consequence, which depending upon the quality can be quite severe. Besides short term memory loss, headaches and bad breath a lit joint casts the following spells on the user:
Exhaustion
Decreases the rate at which stamina is regained. |
d00d Speak
Causes the target to speak in a fashion that closely resembles human speech but is undecipherable to those with a Focus above 50. |
Blank Look
Causes the target to emote "doh!" and stand still for 5 of every 10 seconds. |
Munchies
Causes the target to immediately stop its current action, move towards, pick up and eat any food object within radar range. |
It is highly recommended that one disable SixthSense when smoking joints as the extended radar range is known to have caused vitae in excess of 30%
If you should be lucky enough to obtain or create the highest quality of joint, the Large Tightly Rolled Hyssop Joint and actually lit it then you are in store for a serious ride. Some of the Level VII variants of the above spells have additional affects.
Enervation
Decreases the rate at which stamina is regained by 60%.
Causes frequent bouts of lethargy which causes the target to lie down often. |
L33t Tongue
Duration: 22.2-33.7 minutes
Causes the target to speak in a fashion that closely resembles human speech but is undecipherable to those with a Focus above 50.
Causes the target to interpret all tells as "Yur ghey" |
Eyes of Glass
Duration: 22.2-33.7 minutes
Causes the target to emote "doh!" and stand still for 8 of every 10 seconds. |
Fridge Raider
Duration: 22.2-33.7 minutes
Causes the target to immediately stop its current action, move towards, pick up and eat any food object within radar range.
If the target has 4 available skill points and does not already have cooking the target will take cooking as a skill. |
In addition this powerful doobie has the ability to randomly cast an additional spell on the user. All efforts to ascertain what causes a particular spell to be cast, or what spell a particular toke will cast have come up empty, or so claims our monarch Darklady Apocalypse. The following are four of the spells and their associated effects that she has recorded in her extensive testing.
Analysis Paralysis
Duration: 35.4-47.3 minutes
Cause the target to emote "point" and spawns a Virindi Death Squad. The target cannot exit the emote until all members of the death squad are dead or the target is dead. The death squad will vanish upon the death of the target.
No quiddity ingots have been recovered from doobie spawns. |
Cosmic Focus
Duration: See Below
Causes the target to emote "meditate" Adds all of the Level VII spells of the school of magic in which they are the most competent to their spellbook. If the target is equally skilled in multiple schools of magic all applicable spells will be learned.
All acquired knowledge is lost as soon as the target exits the "meditate"emote. |
Pookie Slayer
Duration: See Below
Gives the target an unquenchable hunger for fresh white rabbit stew. This spell has no duration and is active until dispelled.
Spell is only dispelled upon consumption of fresh white rabbit stew. |
r0x0r Joo!
Duration: 35.4-47.3
Cause the target "turn red" (if not already a player killer) for the duration of the spell. Additionally the target will continuously spam the following statement
"STFU! G0 R3d! I H4ve L33t $killz and 0wnz j00 all!"
Spell is not dispelled on death. |
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