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http://www.quiknet.com/~lcountry/unexpected01.html

Unexpected Consequences: Milestones

By Lisa Countryman

© beginning July 2002

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Willow was fully prepared to read her mother the riot act, but she made the mistake of pausing to take a deep breath first. She wanted her lungs full of air so she could get a nice long ranty babble going.

Sheila didn’t like giving up control, so she went on the offensive. She faced Willow and changed the subject. "I heard something break." Sheila raised an accusing eyebrow. "Did she … hurt you?"

"What?" Willow felt her own ire boiling.

"Does she always yell at you?" Sheila was genuinely concerned. "And break things?

"No, mother, she saves that for times when you interrupt us twice in one day and embarrass her beyond belief." She stood in front of Sheila and raised both eyebrows. "You taught me to knock before entering a room. I guess that doesn’t apply to you?"

"Don’t you take that tone with me, young lady." Sheila stood and put both hands on her hips.

"You don’t like my tone?" Willow asked. Her temper had gone beyond the point of explosion, to that dangerous, eerily calm place where words were slow and steady and all too rational. Her green eyes narrowed, and they were the only things that revealed how truly furious she was. "I don’t like the way you treat Tara," Willow said. She pulled the sheet a bit tighter around her chest.

"I’ve completely accepted her," Sheila said indignantly.

"Yes, but only because you know she’s Brianna and Megan’s mother, genetically." Willow’s voice was icily calm.

"What’s your point?" Sheila was truly confused. "Are you saying she isn’t their mother?"

"No," Willow said. She sat in the chair across from her mother, making sure the sheet covered her completely. Just because her mother had seen her naked didn’t mean Willow wanted to offer another exhibition. "I’m saying it shouldn’t matter. If Tara and I hadn’t been lucky enough to conceive the way we did, we would have used a sperm donor." She stared into Sheila’s eyes. "And we both would have still been our children’s mothers."

"I don’t know why we’re even discussing this," Sheila said. "It isn’t an issue."

"It is an issue for me," Willow said. "Every time you made some snide remark to Tara about Brianna’s father, it hurt her, and every time you hurt Tara, you hurt me. How do you think it feels to have a mother who’s a complete homophobe?"

"Willow Danielle Rosenberg, I am not homophobic!" Sheila stood and stared down at her daughter. "I have never had a problem with the fact that Tara is a lesbian."

"No," Willow said as she stood. "You just had a problem with the fact that I am. You wanted to cart me around to family reunions with a husband and two point five children and show everyone what a perfect, wonderful mother you are. Well, guess what, mom, that’s just not going to happen."

"You have two beautiful children," Sheila said quietly. "I couldn’t be more proud of them." Her eyes were full of sorrow, but they revealed her sincerity. "Willow, I just wanted you to have an easier life." She paused and let out a sigh. "And Tara, well, she’s a very nice…" She was stymied, not knowing what to call the blonde.

"Wife," Willow said. "She’s my wife, and we have a wonderful life. I can’t imagine being any happier." That wasn’t quite true. At the moment, Willow wished she had some answers about Tara’s mood swings.

Sheila nodded. "You’re right. You do have a very nice … wife." She was uncomfortable, but she was trying. "Now, can we just stop this?"

"Oh, we’re just getting started," Willow said. "Now we get to have a little talk about why you think it’s perfectly okay to come waltzing into my bedroom any time you feel like it. Why do you think we had you and daddy move to the guest house?" Her narrowed her eyes. "Besides you trying to take our child?"

Sheila had the good sense to look guilty.

"I was in bed with my wife." Willow pointed down the hall. "It didn’t occur to you to leave us alone, or at least knock on the freaking door?" she demanded.

"I … I didn’t mean to interrupt," Sheila said. "I came in the first time … this morning … and I really felt awful, Willow." Sheila was blushing. Her cheeks were hot from the extra blood rising to her skin. "That’s why I came back the second time." She pointed toward the hall. "This time … I, I wanted to apologize to both of you."

Willow’s jaw dropped and her eyebrows both rose. "You? You wanted to apologize?"

"Yes, Willow, I am capable of it." Sheila let out a sigh and looked down at her shoes. "I realized how embarrassing that must have been." She lifted her head and looked into Willow’s eyes. "Especially for Tara. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was."

"So, you thought the best way to do that would be to just walk in again without knocking?" Willow wasn’t going to make it any easier for her mother.

"I honestly didn’t think you two would still be at it," Sheila said with just a hint of a smirk on her lips.

"Mother!" Willow was now the one blushing.

"Good lord, Willow, it’s been over an hour." Sheila’s smirk bloomed.

"Yeah, well … yeah, well…" Willow’s face continued turning new shades of red. "And well, um…"

Sheila smiled, enjoying her daughter’s embarrassment. "Even when your father and I were newlyweds we never went for that long. Granted, he’s a man these things are different for men…"

"Mom!" Willow drew the word into two syllables as she whined. She was truly and utterly mortified. "These are not things I want to hear about my parents," Willow insisted.

"Well, how do you think I feel?" Sheila asked. "I didn’t just hear them."

"Well, maybe next time you’ll knock," Willow said.

"What, you with your big fancy royal house, and you’ve never heard of a lock?" Sheila smiled. She could see that even though Willow was incredibly embarrassed, her anger was subsiding.

"Well, this is our home, mother, and we don’t like locks on bedroom doors." Willow wasn’t quite ready to let all her anger melt away, but she was almost enjoying bantering with her mother.

"I’m just a simple woman, not royalty." Sheila held up both hands. "But I think you might want to reconsider that thought."

Willow’s eyes narrowed. "And speaking of locks, how exactly did you get into our home? I locked the front door."

"I didn’t come in the front door," Sheila said. "You keep a key to the patio door in the planter out back."

"Not anymore, we won’t," Willow mumbled under her breath.

"Well, can you go get Tara so I can apologize?" Sheila asked.

"I don’t think now is a good time, mom." Willow sat on the couch.

Her mother sat next to her and started to put her arm around Willow’s shoulder. She changed her mind. She was making progress toward getting closer to Willow, but she still felt uncomfortable offering comfort in such a physical way. She reached out her hand, and this time, she awkwardly patted Willow’s knee. "What’s wrong?"

Willow looked at her mother. Sheila sincerely wanted to help, but Willow just wasn’t comfortable discussing marital issues with her mother yet, especially when her mother was right at the center of those marital issues.

Sheila patted Willow’s knee again and leaned forward. She tried to offer a sympathetic smile, but all she managed to do was look constipated.

"Mom, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but right now, having you act all supportive and comforting…" Willow shivered. "Well, that’s wigging me out just as much as everything else."

"Oh…" Sheila took her hand back and put it on her own knee. "God forbid I should be supportive and comfort my own child." She saw Willow’s body stiffen. She could see that she was only making things worse. "I really am trying, Willow," she said quietly. "Your father and I have talked quite a bit. He’s very fond of Tara."

"Like father, like daughter," Willow said. There was a bitter quality in her voice that took away any comfort the jovial comment might have offered Sheila.

"Your father says she’s the most Jewish Shikseh he’s ever met." The term was Yiddish for a non-Jewish woman. It could sometimes be considered a negative term, but Sheila’s tone took away any sting and made it clear that Ira had meant it as a compliment. "Imagine that, my husband, Ira Rosenberg, falling for his Shikseh daughter-in-law."

"Well, it’s probably better than a Shtik goy daughter." Willow used the Yiddish expression for a blasphemous Jew who ignored Jewish custom.

"Willow, your father and I are both disappointed that you’ve chosen not to follow our ways, but … that doesn’t mean we love you any less." Sheila was not comfortable discussing such things. She could talk about them all day at seminars with strangers, but when it came to her own child, it was almost painful. Her expression made that quite clear. She looked like she’d just spent a few hours sliding down cactuses … naked. "You are our child, Willow. Nothing can change that. Besides, my Shtik goy, you’ve given us Shtik naches. You and Tara have blessed us with those precious children." The second term referred to the grandchildren and the great joy they brought.

Willow wrung her hands together on her lap. She suddenly felt weary beyond belief. "It really hurt me that you and daddy went to a lawyer," she whispered without looking up. "How could you?" The heartbreak in her voice made her sound like a lost little girl.

"We meant to get your signature, but then everything happened so fast. We just wanted to make sure everything would be taken care of in case anything happened to you." Sheila sighed. "We had no way of knowing Tara was Brianna and Megan’s real mother."

Willow let out a frustrated sigh. "And again … that shouldn’t have mattered."

"I suppose you could be right," Sheila said. It was as close to admitting her mistake as Sheila would get. "I just wanted the girls to—"

"It was wrong," Willow said, cutting off her mother. "No matter how you justify it, it was wrong. That attitude has destroyed families, families like Tara and me, and our girls. Mom, we weren’t exactly close when I was growing up, and letting you into my life now that I have a family was a huge risk. I want you and daddy in my life, but I don’t want my girls hurt." She looked into her mother’s eyes. "This lawyer thing hurt me, mom. It really hurt me." She sighed.

"Oh, Willow." Sheila crinkled her brow, wishing she could take away the pain on Willow’s face, the pain she and her actions put there.

Willow recognized the true remorse in her mother’s expression. "But I can learn to let go of my hurt," she said quietly.

Sheila smiled brightly. "Good, good."

"Let me finish." Willow held her mother’s gaze. "Your attitude hurt Tara, and that won’t be as easy for me to forgive." Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "You terrified Brianna by trying to take her, and I don’t know if I can ever forget that, mother."

Sheila nodded, beginning to understand what her actions had cost her.

Tara came down the hall and went toward the front door without even acknowledging Sheila’s presence.

Willow started to stand, then stopped herself. The urge to go to Tara was strong, but Willow had to respect Tara’s need for distance. "You’ll go see Brent?" she asked.

Tara paused and slowly turned back toward Willow. Her hair was still damp, as if she had only taken enough time to run a towel through it after her shower. She was wearing her workout clothes, loose fitting sweats and a pale tank top with a black sports bra showing underneath. Her expression made it perfectly clear that she was still very angry. "I said I would," Tara replied coldly.

Willow flinched at the icy tone, but then nodded. "Okay." She resisted the urge to tell Tara she loved her. Things were strained and she wondered if Tara might take that as some kind of extra pressure. It was the first time she had ever second-guessed wanting to express her love. It hurt.

Tara nodded and spun toward the door. She stormed out of the house before Willow could change her mind. The door closed with a jarring slam.

"I guess she really is upset," Sheila said. "Does she always have such a violent temper?"

Willow’s temper turned a bit violent in defense of Tara. "How would you feel if nana Moriah walked in while you and daddy were making love?" Willow demanded. "Twice … in one day?"

Sheila’s face paled at the mere suggestion.

"Exactly," Willow said. "And she’s you’re mother. Now imagine if nana Rosenberg walked in on you and acted like she wanted to turn her garden hose on you like some dog in heat."

"Oui," Sheila said with a sigh.

"I need to get dressed." Willow stood and held the sheet in place with both hands.

"I’ll go down and see how Brianna and Megan are doing," Sheila said. "Or maybe I’ll go collect your father from that library of theirs."

"Mom, you know when a Kosher kitchen is contaminated, and you have cleanse it?" Willow asked.

Sheila frowned, totally not understanding where Willow’s question came from. "Did your Kosher utensils get spoiled?"

"This is a holy sanctuary," Willow said. "Like a convent. The sacred areas are off limits. The ancient text library daddy loves digging through is sacred. The only reason daddy can go in there is because of Tara."

"What do you mean?" Sheila asked.

"In addition to being our home, this is a sacred place reserved for women. This is where we practice our religion, and generally, men are not allowed on the grounds. When they are, they have to stay in designated areas," Willow said deliberately.

"Yes, I know. In the main hall, and in the guest houses," Sheila said. "But I just thought they didn’t like strangers wandering around interrupting their little rituals."

"No mother. It’s considered a desecration to have male energy in the sacred areas. Tara spoke with the elders who control all the sanctuaries. She got special permission for daddy to go into the restricted sections of the library, and the gardens." Willow paused as she watched understanding dawn on her mother’s face. "They only agreed after Tara convinced them. She had to talk with them for over an hour, and she called in a lot of favors, mom."

"I had no idea," Sheila said. "That was very kind of her."

"She knows daddy likes books as much as I do." Willow smiled as she thought of her beautiful wife. "Tara’s a very considerate person. You might consider thanking Brent, too. Every time daddy leaves the gardens or the library, Brent as to lead a ritual to cleanse the sacred space of his male energy."

"Like making a kitchen Kosher." Sheila now understood. She didn’t understand the strange Wiccan ways, but she understood the concept. The cleansing of an area was an involved matter that was extremely inconvenient. She was shocked that Brent would go to such trouble just to let Ira to play with a few dusty old books. "I’ll speak to Brent. Your father will be grateful."

"Brent doesn’t do it for daddy," Willow explained. "She does it for Tara, and for me."

"You’re lucky to have her," Sheila admitted, though it irritated her to do so.

"Yes, we are," Willow said. She took a deep breath and looked toward the door. She hoped Tara was with Brent. Perhaps the elder could figure out what was going on with Tara.

*****

Tara had every intention of talking to Brent, but when she finally found the elder, she changed her mind. Brent was surrounded with people, and the last thing Tara wanted was to be in a crowd. She smiled when she saw Buffy, realizing how happy the Slayer’s arrival would make Willow.

She let out a sigh and changed direction and headed toward the stables at the far end of the sanctuary. She loved riding, and when she was upset, it always cleared her head. She needed that now more than ever.

Ceri saw Tara, and instantly noticed that the blonde was wearing her workout clothes. She knew Tara and Willow had been spending the day alone, and if Tara was choosing to give up alone time with Willow to work out, something huge must be bothering her. She climbed from the grass where she was playing with Brianna.

Brent saw Tara as well, but she didn’t let Buffy know. She moved to Ceri’s side and pulled her away from the others. "Go check her," she whispered. She didn’t want to alarm anyone else, especially Ira. He was holding Megan and chatting with Buffy.

Ceri nodded and started to follow Tara but paused when she saw Brianna grab Brent’s hand.

"Mama’s broken," the fiery redhead child whispered. Fear covered Brianna’s face. She glanced back at the others, somehow catching on to Brent’s secrecy and knowing to keep her voice down. "Her light’s wrong."

"Go," Brent told Ceri.

Ceridwen broke into a trot as she hurried to catch up with Tara.

Brent turned back to Brianna. "What have we told you about blocking people’s light?" she whispered gently.

Brianna looked down at the ground. "I should focus and not use my power." She sighed. She’d been working with Brent and her mothers to learn to block out people’s lights, but it was really hard. She’d seen them her whole life and now Brent and her mothers were telling her to stop.

"You need to respect people’s privacy," Brent said tenderly as she knelt in front of Brianna. "Lights reveal private things, things they may not want others knowing." She didn’t add that reading auras could alienate people as Brianna got older. Seeing things normally hidden could make the young girl an outcast in Wiccan circles, and with people who didn’t know about magic, it could leave Brianna a misunderstood outsider.

"I’m trying." Brianna looked at Brent. Her tiny brows were furrowed and she had a frustrated scowl. "But mama’s light is so bright right now, I couldn’t block it out."

"All right." Brent kissed Brianna’s forehead and then stood and took her hand. "Come on. You and I will go to the temple."

"I don’t wanna’ meditate," Brianna whined.

Brent knelt and looked into Brianna’s eyes again. She liked to give Brianna the chance to be on her eye level whenever possible. "This is about responsibility, not what you want." Her words were loving, but firm, making it clear that this was not something Brianna could choose to ignore. "Brigit’s gifts are not toys, and you cannot treat them as such. When you have trouble controlling those gifts, I will always be here to lead you in meditation."

"Yes, Mistress Brent." Brianna sighed and looked back toward Buffy. She really wanted to play with her aunt, but she knew Brent was right.

"She’ll be here when we get back." Brent stood and ruffled Brianna’s unruly hair. She looked toward the others. "Brigh, Miss Brianna and I need to work on her studies."

Ira started to protest, then changed his mind. Willow had made it clear that Brent was in charge of Brianna’s religious lessons. He didn’t approve of her being raised Wiccan, but he did respect Brianna’s obvious devotion to her religion. The last three weeks had opened his eyes in many ways. He’d noticed Brianna and Brent studying at different times during the day. He also knew Willow and Tara began most days with a prayer ritual of some sort. Brianna was always a part of those ceremonies.

"I’ll help with Megan," Buffy offered. "Between Brigh, grandpa, and me, we should have it covered."

"Come, Miss Brianna," Brent said as she led the grouchy child away.

"Stupid powers," Brianna grumbled and made a sour face.

Brent cleared her throat quietly.

"Stupid gifts," Brianna amended, but she scrunched her face up just the same.

Brent cleared her throat a bit more loudly.

Brianna sighed and followed silently alongside Brent, though she did roll her eyes and kick a small rock across the path.

*****

When Ceri caught up with Tara, the blonde was just turning down the path toward the stables. The huge barns were almost a mile away, but most guardians walked to them. "Lady Tara?" Ceri called out.

Tara froze and then took a deep breath and let it out in a frustrated sigh.

"Going riding?" Ceri stopped next to Tara and smiled. "How about some company?"

"I’d like to be alone." Tara kept her voice even, not wanting to lash out at her friend. She spun and walked toward the stables.

"I won’t even say a word." Ceri fell into step beside Tara. "I’m a guardian. We spend years training to be stealthy."

Tara stopped and slowly turned to face Ceri. The guardian had no way of knowing just how on edge Tara was.

Ceri held a finger to her lips, letting Tara know she would remain quiet.

"Do you remember when we first met?" Tara asked.

"Of course." Ceri paused. There was a cutting harshness to Tara’s tone she’d never heard.

"You made me a sacred promise," Tara continued. "To keep Willow safe, to stay by her side."

"Yes, I did." The hair at the base of Ceri’s neck prickled. Tara was not herself.

"So tell me, Ceridwen, if you are sworn to defend Willow, sworn to be at her side at all times, how exactly could Sheila Rosenberg walk in on us while we were making love? How did she interrupt … twice … when we were at our most vulnerable?" Tara continued toward the stables.

"Oh, boy." Ceri suddenly understood why Tara was in a foul mood. "I’m sorry," she said sincerely. She jogged to catch up.

"I don’t want you to be sorry." Tara spun and faced Ceri. "I want you to be honorable."

"What?" Ceri was taken aback.

"You gave me your sworn oath." Tara’s voice raised. "But, well, here you are and I don’t see Willow anywhere in sight. So tell me how exactly you are at her side?"

"We’re on the sanctuary…" Ceri said slowly. It had been Willow and Tara’s decision to have Ceri not guard Willow on the sacred grounds because they were secure.

"Do you think the Keeper and his men care where we are?" Tara yelled. "Do you think they’re complacent?" She edged closer, lowering her voice, but that did not mean her temper was cooling. "Do you think a second goes by that the Keeper and his men don’t know exactly where Willow is? Do you think that right now, right this instant, the Keeper doesn’t know my soulmate is unprotected?"

In the back of Ceri’s mind, a red flag was waving wildly, telling the guardian that this wasn’t Tara’s normal attitude, but Tara was pushing Ceri’s most effective buttons. Ceri was a woman of honor, and she would die before acting dishonorably. "Lady Tara…"

"Where is Willow?" Tara asked angrily. "Where is she right now?"

"I … I…" Ceri looked back down the path.

"Well?" Tara demanded. "Tell me, Ceridwen, Daughter of the Flame, sacred member of the Imbolc guard … where is Willow, my soulmate, the woman you swore on your honor to defend, to never leave her side so long as you drew breath?"

"I don’t know," Ceri admitted. Shame filled her body and she lifted her head and squared her jaw. "But I’ll find her."

"She’s at the Imbolc house," Tara said as she walked toward the stables. "See that you keep her safe, as honor demands."

Ceri spun and sprinted toward the Imbolc house. Had she not been feeling guilt and shame, she would have seen through Tara’s words for what they were- a smoke screen to make Ceri leave.

When Tara reached the stables, her mood did not improve. All she wanted was to take Dylan, her Arabian gelding, out for a nice long ride, but that wasn’t going to happen. She found Dylan tied at the hitching post.

Dylan was an excellent horse, one that she could trust with Brianna. He was named after a Celtic god known as ‘the son of the waves.’ Dylan was a bay, brown with a black mane and tail, and he had a star on his forehead shaped like a fish, the symbol for the Celtic god he was named after. Willow called him Horse-bert, or sometimes Neigh-bert, after the Dilbert cartoon. Tara had bought Dylan from the sanctuary after falling in love with him after a long ride through the local canyon. She suspected the 5,000 dollars she gave Brent for him was criminally below his real value, but it was all she could force the to elder take. She and Willow wanted to pull their own weight, and that included paying for Dylan’s feed, board, and shoes. Tara had taught Willow to ride, and when the redhead was in the mood, she would ride Dylan. There were always horses at the stables and Tara had permission to ride any of them.

A young farrier named Molly was busy putting a new set of horseshoes on the gentle gelding. "Lady Tara," Molly called out. "I wanted Dylan to have fresh shoes for your lesson tomorrow." She knew Tara took riding lessons each Friday.

Tara stared in disbelief. Dylan’s hooves were bare and trimmed, waiting for a shiny set of shoes to be tacked onto his feet. Tara wasn’t going to let that change her mind. "Does Mercury have shoes?" she asked.

Dylan turned toward the sound of Tara’s voice. The bay gelding tossed his head happily. He recognized her, and he started to move toward her.

"Easy," Molly told the eager gelding. She made sure he wasn’t going to move again and then looked back at Tara. "I just finished with Mercury," Molly said with an easy smile. Mercury was a young mare Brent was training. Molly knew that Tara and Brent always went for a ride in the huge canyons behind the sanctuary after Tara’s lessons, so she made sure to put fresh shoes on Brent’s horse as well.

"Thanks. I’ll take Mercury," Tara said.

She hurried toward the main barn before Molly could reply and quickly took Mercury out of her stall. Tara used her own saddle and quickly tacked Mercury, then put on her riding helmet and led Mercury to the path that ran along the paddocks and out toward a small orange orchard at one end of the sanctuary. She liked to ride through the trees and smell the citrus all around her.

Mercury was a grey five-year-old, and Brent had named her for her mercurial disposition. The mare was always full of spunk and her moods shifted quickly. She sometimes required a firm but patient hand to keep her focused.

Tara swung into the saddle and headed into the orchard. "Come on, girl." Tara brought the mare into a slow trot. She knew it was only a matter of time before one of the guardians came after her and insisted on riding with her. Tara was not in the mood for companionship.

She paused at the back of the orchard and stared at the huge stone wall. It was over twelve feet high and surrounded the entire sanctuary. When Tara and Brent wanted to ride in the canyon, they had to go through the gate next to main barn. Tara knew if she did that, dozens of guardians would chase after her like well armed mother hens, insisting she have a formal guard. The guardians were convinced the Keeper was always waiting just outside the grounds to snatch Tara. Tara had used the threat of lurking Keepers to get Ceri to leave, but she honestly didn’t believe they would be stupid enough to come anywhere hear her. Brent’s reaction to her kidnapping had let the Keepers know Tara was off limits.

Mercury snorted and pawed with her leg front left. She pranced in place as Tara studied the huge wall. The young mare was warming up, and she wanted to run.

"Easy," Tara said as she gently squeezed her knees to let the mare know she’d have to stay put for the moment.

Mercury tossed her head, and her front legs stopped in place. The feisty mare’s hind legs continued prancing, moving her hindquarters from side to side.

"I know," Tara told the mare. "I wanna’ get the hell outta’ here too." She smiled as an idea formed, and then she gathered the reins into her left hand. "Easy, girl," she said as she raised her right hand toward the wall. She sent out a controlled burst of energy and a huge section of the wall blurred and then disappeared as Tara pushed it out of phase.

Mercury reared up and snorted but calmed as Tara took the reins and gave the frightened horse a few gentle tugs to steady her.

"Come on," Tara urged the mare through the opening. Mercury was young and spirited, but she was also good-natured and trusting. She took Tara’s instruction and bolted through the gaping hole despite being terrified of the strange occurrence. "Good girl." Tara patted the mare’s neck and then waved a hand at the wall. It blurred and returned to normal.

Mercury snorted twice more and shied away from the wall, and Tara had to take a moment to calm her. "Easy, it’s just a little magic, sweetie." It felt good to focus on the horse, and calming the mare calmed Tara as well. She could feel some of her tensions relax as she used her magic, as if draining off the power was draining some of her anger as well.

She trotted toward the canyon and smiled as Mercury began to prance from side to side.

Mercury tossed her head, trying to loosen Tara’s grip so she could increase her speed.

"You wanna’ run?" Tara shifted her weight and gave the spirited mare her head as she used to legs to give Mercury the signal to canter. "Come on, girl."

Mercury broke into a gallop, and she would have sprinted headlong toward the mouth of the canyon, but Tara slowed her to a controlled canter. It was still faster that Tara usually went, but the gentle rocking motion was soothing. By the time Tara reached the trail that led up the steep mountain, Mercury had burned off some of her nervous energy, and Tara had too. Both horse and rider were beginning to sweat. Tara had to work to keep Mercury at a safe pace, and her upper arms were pumped into sharp relief.

"Okay, big girl, easy." She settled more weight into the saddle as she posted, rising up and down in time with the horse’s gait. The change in her weight distribution told the horse to slow, and Mercury responded instantly. "That’s a good girl." Tara smiled as they continued up the canyon at a brisk trot.

*****

Willow was tying her shoes when she heard the front door slam. Her heart fluttered as she quickly finished and then stood. She hoped Tara had come back to talk. She started toward the bedroom door when it flung open.

"Lady Willow!" Ceridwen let out a sigh and leaned against the wall.

"What’s wrong?" Willow rushed to Ceri’s side. "Brianna? Megan?" Her eyes widened. "Oh, god, Tara?"

"Nothing’s wrong," Ceri said. Her heart sank as she realized her statement wasn’t quite accurate. "Nothing is wrong anymore." She dropped to one knee. "Please forgive me. I’ve been derelict in my duties."

"Did something happen to Brianna?" Willow had to fight the panic that was pushing to the surface.

"No, Lady Willow." Ceri stood and cleared her throat. "Lady Tara pointed out what a poor protector I’ve been." When Ceri was nervous or upset, she always went back to using Willow and Tara’s formal titles.

"Tara pointed that out?" Willow had a sick feeling. "Was this when she was talking to Brent?"

Ceri’s brow crinkled in confusion.

"She didn’t talk to Brent," Willow quickly interpreted. Her green eyes narrowed. "She didn’t talk to Brent, and when you tried to talk to her, she ran you off by making you think you failed me?"

Ceri’s eyes widened, and then a blush crept over her cheeks.

"Oh, come on," Willow whined. "She knows how to get you to leave her alone. Everyone knows you’re the big honor-gal." She sighed and pressed her lips together angrily. "You fell for it?"

"Um…" Ceri cleared her throat. "Pretty much."

"Okay, first, you can’t honestly think you have ever failed me, can you?" Willow asked. She took Ceri’s arm and pulled her down the hall.

Ceri didn’t reply.

"We’ve discussed this." Willow led Ceri to the front of the house. "I am perfectly safe on the grounds." She sighed as she let go of Ceri to open the door. "And the fact that Tara would use something so hurtful tells me whatever’s going on with her is serious."

"And I fell for it." Ceri couldn’t look at Willow. "Which means she could be in danger and it’s all my fault."

"What danger?" Willow said as she waved a hand at Ceri. "She’s on sacred grounds. Right now her biggest threat is me. I can’t believe she did this to you." She headed down the hill to find Brent. "If Tara isn’t having some major Wiccan issue, she is in big trouble."

"I should have realized," Ceri said quietly.

"See?" Willow rolled her eyes. "You’re feeling guilty right now. That’s the whole honor deal. Tara’s not in any danger as long as she’s on the grounds, so calm down and help me find her."

"Yes, Lady Willow." Ceri nodded toward the stables. "She was going riding."

"Guess I get to visit Horse-bert." Willow always called Tara’s horse by the affectionate nickname. She liked to think he was the horse version of a nerd, always eager to see his mistresses and go for a ride to calm them. She hoped that Tara was calmer. She hated fighting with her. It made her soul ache, and it left her feeling empty and without focus.

"She wouldn’t leave the grounds, would she?" Ceri asked.

"Not unless she wants to see me get really angry." Willow’s eyes widened. In Tara’s current state, leaving the grounds might be just what Tara was planning. "Oh, crap!" She sprinted toward the stables.

*****

Tara and Mercury covered the dry, rocky ground quickly, putting miles between them and the sanctuary in less than an hour. Tara was enjoying the more formidable horse. She loved Dylan, but his gentle disposition never offered any challenge.

She loved the connection with the huge, gentle spirited animals. It soothed her, healed her soul when she was feeling sad, and at the moment, she needed that healing. Lately her moods were as mutable as the tides, but nowhere near as predictable.

Tara was scared. Having her temper flare brought up memories she had spent decades burying. She had lived her life making sure she didn’t turn out like her father, and now she was striking out just like him. She thought about the bed, and how she had destroyed it. It was the bed where she and Willow had conceived Megan. She felt tears form in her eyes and had to clear her throat to stop a sob from escaping.

"Come on, girl," Tara whispered as she moved Mercury into fast trot.

They rushed along the trail, speeding faster until the trees and bushes became a blur. The wind felt good rushing over Tara’s face and she had to focus to keep pace with the young horse’s gait and that allowed her mind to clear.

After some time, Mercury slowed as they came to a fork in the trail. One path circled back toward the sanctuary, and the other went down the steep terrain to the river below. Tara clucked her cheeks and headed down deeper into the canyon. She needed more time to think, and heading toward home would make that impossible. Just the idea of heading back turned Tara’s thoughts to Willow and their argument. Tara knew she had hurt Willow, but she needed to clear her head before she could even begin to mend fences with her wife. If she went back with her thoughts clouded, she knew she’d hurt Willow again, and that was the last thing she wanted.

"Come on, girl." Tara stood in her stirrups and leaned back as the mare carefully climbed down the steep trail. It was slow going, traveling faster than a walk would almost guarantee a fall, and Tara wouldn’t risk herself or the young horse by being reckless. Brent had spent the last year shaping Mercury into a sound trail horse, but it was a delicate procedure. One excursion with an inexperienced or impatient rider and months of work could be lost. It was a testament to Brent’s complete trust in Tara that she allowed her to ride the young horse. No one else was allowed to ride Mercury.

A rider at the top of the ridge watched. He rested his horse as he studied Tara below. He’d seen her before, though usually she was with a small army of other riders. He smiled, thinking that his luck had finally changed. As soon as he saw her head down the trail toward the river, he spun his own mount around and started down his side of the canyon. His trail would lead him directly to her and he was looking forward to the encounter.

*****

By the time Willow and Ceri reached the lawn beneath the Imbolc house, Willow had imagined dozens of things that might have happened to Tara. Most of those images involved the Keeper and his men.

As Ceri ran toward the path to the stables, she wondered where Brent and the others were. She had seen Buffy and Brigh taking Megan and Sheila toward the main hall as she went up to the Imbolc house, but she hadn’t seen Brent or Brianna.

Brent was already heading for the stables. She had been working with Brianna when she got a call from Molly at the barns. Tara had gone out for a ride and none of the Imbolc guard could find her on the grounds. Brent decided she’d saddle up a horse and find Tara herself. She sent Brianna to stay with Buffy and Brigh, and then took Kaley with her to find Tara. Kaley was from the London sanctuary, and she had replaced Brigandu after her death. She was young, and a bit green, but she was an excellent rider and Brent wanted backup in case Tara had been stupid enough to leave the grounds.

The news at the stables was not what Brent wanted to hear. First, when she reached the main arena, she found two visitors. The fact that these visitors were at the stables set off alarm bells for Brent and she rushed to where the two newcomers were questioning Molly.

"What are you doing here?" Brent asked.

"Well, what kind of greeting is that?" Anya whined. "We come all the way from bloody England and that’s the greeting we get?" She turned to Emily and smiled. "Did you notice me use ‘bloody’ correctly? I’m practically British now."

"Mistress Brent, good to see you," Emily said calmly. She had taken Anya under her wing, inviting the former demon to stay with her over the past few months.

"Why are you at the stables?" Brent asked nervously. She had been expecting them at any time, but neither woman had ever went to the stables before.

"Emily got the mage vibe," Anya explained. "I wanted to go to the main hall and have lunch, because let’s face it, airplane food? Ugh! I wouldn’t feed that to men I was cursing."

"I was just asking young Molly here if she’s seen sister Tara." Emily looked at the muscular farrier.

Molly looked back and forth from Brent to Emily, then, just as she was about to speak, she saw Lady Willow running toward her. "Mistress Brent?" she asked nervously. She wasn’t sure she should let Lady Willow know that Tara was missing.

"Emily?" Willow yelled as she staggered to a stop. "What’s going on?" She knew having the elderly mage at the stables meant something was up with Tara.

"Hey, what about me?" Anya asked.

"Molly, is there any news?" Brent asked. She moved over to Willow and casually took her hand and patted it to comfort the redhead.

"She went riding," Molly said. "We haven’t been able to find her anywhere."

"Was she alone?" Brent asked.

"Yeah…" Molly ducked her head. "She went to the orchard. It shouldn’t be this hard to find her. I’ve been here the whole time shoeing horses. There’s no way she went out the gate." She knew Tara loved to ride in the canyon.

Brent turned to Willow. "What happened with you two?" she asked gently.

"Hey, hungry person here." Anya hated being ignored. "I am starv—"

"Not now," Brent snapped. She looked to Willow.

"We had a fight, and it was really stupid because neither of us did anything wrong and somehow we just started yelling and then before I even knew what was happening she was—" Willow’s eyes widened when Brent pressed a finger to her lips.

"You had a fight and she left to go riding?" Brent clarified. Her finger was still firmly on Willow’s lips. She didn’t need babbling; she needed answers.

Willow nodded.

Brent turned to Emily. "Now, why are you two here of all places?" She raised her hand to silence Anya before the former demon could speak.

"Someone has been casting here," Emily said. "I felt it as soon as we came through the main gates."

Willow took a step back so she could speak without Brent shushing her. "That was Tara. She kinda’ blew up our bed."

"Now that’s making good use of those budding mage abilities!" Anya said. "Wow. Talk about hot sex!"

Willow glared at Anya.

"Oh, blew up, but not in a good way." Anya nodded. "Gotcha."

"That wasn’t what I felt," Emily said. "Someone tapped dimensional power, and there’s no way Tara could do that on this scale." She looked into Brent’s eyes. "No way. She won’t be able to do that until her mage powers are fully activated."

"Oh, yeah, about that." Brent faltered. She had not told Emily about Tara’s powers because she didn’t want to talk about it over the phone lines. She suspected the Keepers monitored all the calls to and from the sanctuaries.

Emily knew instantly what Brent was not saying. "When?" She was beginning to get cranky. She felt responsible for Tara. Having rescued her, she considered Tara her young charge.

"The night Megan was born," Willow said quietly.

"Three weeks ago?" Emily let out a sigh. "My poor young sister mage. No wonder you’ve been fighting." She looked over at Willow and smiled. "Don’t take it personally, dear."

"She destroyed our bed," Willow said with a growl. "How do I not take that personally?"

"I’m just glad my sweet Harold passed long before my powers were activated." She shook her head. "I was a bit unbearable." Her eyes twinkled. "Though there were some good things." She raised both eyebrows. "If Harold had been alive, I just might have killed him. You know, I spent that first year dating younger men, practically robbed cradles."

"Really?" Anya asked with a leer. "How young."

"One dapper man was in his sixties," Emily boasted. "I swear I went after anything in a leisure suit."

"Can we focus?" Willow said angrily. She didn’t want to think about Tara lusting after younger women. There were plenty of younger women prancing around the grounds every day, and most had crushes on Tara. "What kind of magic did you feel?"

"If I had to guess, I’d say it wasn’t a destructive spell, but it was powerful." Emily tilted her head to one side. "You know, before I left with Anya, Tara and I worked on small spells to alter reality."

Willow’s eyes widened.

"Nothing big," Emily assured her. "Mostly just moving small stones out of phase with our world."

"Oh! That makes them invisible," Anya added helpfully. "And you can put your hand right through them."

"Whatever Tara did, it was huge." Emily pointed toward the orchard. "I can still see the mystic glow from it. It’s as big as a house."

Willow knew Tara. She knew exactly how her lover’s brilliant mind worked. Their minds made connections that others missed, and Willow’s mind could think of a great use for a massive phase shift. "What would happen if you took part of a wall out of phase? Could you pass through it?"

Brent’s face lost all color. She grabbed the cell phone from her waist and hit the automatic dial. "Put the sanctuary on alert. I want a section by section search for Lady Tara. Now." She looked at Molly, though still speaking into the phone. "I want search teams on horseback in five minutes. She may have left the grounds." Brent listened for a brief moment. Up until that moment, she hadn’t seriously thought Tara would have left the grounds. "I’m going now. I want Brigh and three of the Imbolc guard with Brianna, and any Imbolc guard who isn’t on horseback and in the canyon in five minutes will answer to me." She clicked off her phone and put it back onto her hip.

"Mistress Brent … about Mercury…" Molly didn’t quite know how to tell the elder that Tara had taken her most frequent mount.

"No," Brent interrupted. "I want to move fast and I want power. Tack up the Imbolc mounts. We need to be ready for anything." She rubbed the back of her neck. "Besides, I’m too upset to handle her anyway, not without breaking my neck."

"Mistress, I was shoeing Dylan when Lady Tara arrived." Sweat beaded on Molly’s lip. "Lady Tara took Mercury."

"Sweet Brigit." Brent ran toward the main barn, leaving the others to follow. "Get those horses tacked and send five of the Imbolc guard into the canyon. Kaley, you’re with me."

"Where are you going?" Willow yelled. She was on Brent’s heels, but she wasn’t able to keep up with the elder.

"I’m going after her." Brent grabbed her saddle from the rack and yanked a bridle from the peg next to it. She hurried to the end stall and opened the door and had the tall grey gelding named Titan half-saddled before Willow could catch up.

"Brent, wait. I’m going with you," Willow said. She couldn’t believe Brent already had the bridle on the horse and was finishing tying off the cinch as well.

"Absolutely not." Brent swung into the saddle as soon as the horse was out of his stall. It wasn’t safe to mount a horse into the barn, but Brent’s thoughts were with Tara.

Kaley had her horse saddled and she quietly swung onto his back and moved beside Brent. "Mistress?"

Brent looked over to where Ceri was helping Molly saddle three other grey horses. "Ceridwen, I don’t want to have to worry about Lady Willow as well. She stays here. We’ll take the river trail. Get someone up to the ridge. " She leaned forward and urged the gelding forward. "Hiya!" She ducked as they bolted out of the barn at a dangerous gallop. The Imbolc mounts were trained to be sure footed and reliable, but they were also trained with more dangerous skills.

Brent and Kaley clamored along the trail sending up plumes of dust. The horses snorted, sensing danger and fear in the air.

"Molly?" Willow spun. "I’m taking Dylan."

"The hell you are," Ceri said. She finishing cinching one horse and quickly moved to the next.

"Watch me." Willow grabbed a saddle. It was heavy, and the cinch drug the ground and she lugged it down the center isle of the barn toward Dylan’s stall.

"Ceridwen?" Molly asked. She finished tacking a grey Imbolc mare, untied it, and then moved it to the rail of the arena and secured it there so she could bring another to the hitching post.

"Damn it." Ceri turned toward Emily and Anya. The two were sitting perched on the arena rail watching the others scurry around like ants after a rainstorm. "You could help, you know," Ceri pointed out.

"She went that way." Anya pointed at Willow just as the redhead drug the saddle around the corner of the barn.

"Oh, geez!" Ceri ran after Willow.

*****

The path sloped downward, but it wasn’t as steep as many of the canyon trails. Mercury’s ears were perked up as she trotted happily through the wooded setting. Occasionally, the spirited horse would snort and toss her head.

This was what Tara needed. Her body was focused on the trail and the horse under her, but her mind wandered as she went over her fight with Willow. The constant rhythm of posting up and down with the movement of Mercury’s gait had a hypnotic effect, and that familiar action allowed Tara to remain calm as she tried to understand her actions. She knew she had overreacted, and she knew she had been hurtful to Willow, and to Ceri. She took a deep breath and realized she had to mend some major fences.

Mercury tossed her head, pulling Tara’s attention back to the trail. A small log blocked the path ahead.

"Easy girl." Tara had crossed this same hazard many times. It was just one of the many challenges of riding in the canyon. She gently slowed Mercury and approached at a cautious walk. As soon as she rested in the saddle, she became aware of another mistake she had made when she ran out of the house. She hadn’t brought a breast pump. Her breasts had been sore while she was posting, but now that she was sitting and was getting the full effect of the bouncing movement of the horse, she knew she was going to be in serious pain soon.

Mercury paused in front of the log, but with patient coaxing from Tara, the young mare slowly stepped over it.

"That’s a good girl." Tara patted the mare’s neck and broke into a trot again. The river was up ahead and it marked the halfway point. She was five miles out, and the trail up the other side would circle back to the river after a mile where she could cross at a small bridge. That smooth trail would take her directly to the sanctuary. The water was shallow, and slow moving, and generally Tara would stop her horse to rest in the creek’s icy water. It came down from the higher mountains, from the melting snow pack, and the water was perfect to cool the horse’s tired legs.

Mercury loved water. Often Brent would have to keep the young horse’s head pulled tightly up to stop Mercury from rolling in the creek. As Tara neared the edge of the water, Mercury’s excitement grew.

Tara’s breasts were beginning to ache. She wondered if she could do a spell to use in place of the breast pump. She was going over the possible ways to solve her problem, when she realized that Willow must be going through the same thing. Willow was probably about to feed Megan, and that thought almost brought Tara to tears. She suddenly wished she could be with Willow then and there, to see her beautiful wife feeding their daughter. Her mind wandered as she pictured the scene in her thoughts.

Mercury tossed her head, yanking the reins slightly and loosening Tara’s control just as she reached the water. The young mare leapt into the deeper water and stumbled as she landed. A bit of debris on the riverbed tangled with the young horse’s feet and Mercury panicked as she was still trying to find her footing. The horse’s momentum was still carrying her forward, but Mercury turned her head to the left and spooked to the right and then she went down in the water with a huge splash.

Tara stayed with the horse, which might not have been the best choice. Mercury went down and rolled onto her side, pressing Tara’s leg against the rounded rocks on the bottom of the creek. As the horse’s weight continued to pitch, Tara was tossed under the water and she felt her head hit one of the rocks. She registered the impact, and was thinking how angry Willow would be if she broke her leg, as she heard a cracking sound next to her ear.

Mercury scrambled to her feet and backed away from Tara. The young horse was in a panic and needed reassurance.

Tara came out of the water coughing, but she quickly realized the situation. "Easy," she said as climbed slowly to her feet. Her leg ached, but at least it wasn’t broken. "Come here, Mercury, easy." She moved toward the horse and brushed her hand across her forehead as water ran down her face from her helmet. She grabbed the reins and then rubbed Mercury’s neck to calm her. "Good girl, easy. We just took a little tumble. Nothing to be upset about."

The inexperienced mare was shaking. She’d never fallen down with a rider and she wanted to bolt.

Tara held the reins in one hand and gently ran her other hand down Mercury’s legs to check for any injuries. As soon as she stood back up, a sharp pain shot through her arm and shoulder. She’d landed badly in the creek and would probably have various bruises all over her body.

There were a few scrapes on Mercury’s front legs, but they looked worse than they were. The blood mixed with the water making the grey mare’s pale legs turn bright red. Tara quickly made sure the young horse didn’t have any swelling or damage to her bones or joints. Once she was sure the horse was safe, she led Mercury to the edge of the creek. As soon as Mercury’s front hooves hit the rocky trail, Tara knew she was trouble.

The sound of Mercury’s feet against the hard ground should have made a distinctive clomping sound. Instead, Tara heard a tinny click-clomp. She stopped the mare and looked at her hooves. The metal shoe on Mercury’s left front leg was bent and pulled away from the hoof. The shoe would have to be removed before Tara could go anywhere. The click-clomp sound meant the shoe was hitting first, and then the horse’s hoof was impacting on the shoe. That impact would quickly make a horse go lame.

Riding with a bent or loose shoe would bruise a horse’s hoof and it was dangerous, but pulling the shoe wasn’t much better. That left the hoof exposed to the rocky trails that would chip the hoof wall. Tara tied Mercury to a small tree.

"Okay, girl, looks like you get a little rest." She made sure the horse was calm and then dug through the pack on the back of her saddle until she found a metal rasp and a small folded tool that had a knife, screwdriver, and a makeshift pliers.

It took Tara five minutes to file off the heads of the nails on Mercury’s hoof and then she used the pliers to pull the shoe. She would have used magic, but frankly, not being a farrier, she didn’t know how to put on a shoe, and trying to fix it magically required an understanding of the non-magical way to fix the item. She could injure Mercury if she wasn’t careful.

"Well, let’s hope this fits you." Tara put the tools away and pulled out a black rubber contraption called an "Easyboot." It was essentially a spare tire for a horse. The rubber boot fit over the horse’s foot and clamped onto the sturdy hoof wall. It could be used in place of a metal shoe, and it would make Tara’s life a lot easier. Of course, the Easyboot was fitted for Dylan, and of course Mercury’s feet were one size smaller. Nothing seemed to be going Tara’s way.

She found some elastic leg wrap in her saddle pack and wrapped Mercury’s hoof to get a snugger fit with the Easyboot. She clamped it into place and then checked her handy work. The boot would hold, at least for a while. Tara patted Mercury’s neck and then began leading the mare up the trail. Tara wasn’t stupid enough to ride an inexperienced horse with a loose boot. The boot could fly off at any second and Tara didn’t want to end up sliding down the hillside after being thrown. It was a wise decision, because half a mile up the canyon, the boot did come off, and when it did, it pulled half the leg wrap loose and it was too much for Mercury.

The mare spooked and tried to jump away from the frightening boot. The long strand of wrap flapped and added to the horse’s fear. Mercury bolted toward Tara and the blonde had to leap up the side of the cliff to avoid being trampled. Unfortunately, she had to let go of the reins to climb to safety.

"Damn it," Tara said as she watched Mercury gallop up the trail. The horse was tossing her head and kicking her heels, and she was not slowing. Tara was certain the frightened young horse was heading straight back to the sanctuary. Tara had a long walk ahead of her. Her breasts felt like they were about to pop, her leg ached, and her shoulder felt like it was on fire. All in all, Tara’s day had gone to hell in classic Sunnydale hellmouth proportions. She couldn’t imagine things getting any worse.

"Well, hello there," a man said from the trail ahead. "Was that your horse that just blasted past me?"

"Yep." Tara said with a sigh. "I don’t suppose you grabbed her?"

"I tried." He held up Tara’s now broken reins in one hand. "But I was busy controlling Doofus," he nodded to his large black gelding. "I would have went after her, but I wanted to make sure her rider was okay."

"I’m fine," Tara said with an embarrassed grin. "Just humiliated. I guess it’s not my lucky day."

"Maybe not, but it looks like this is my lucky day." He climbed down from the horse and smiled at Tara. He was huge, over six feet tall and built like a linebacker. "You’re just the one I was looking for," he said as he moved toward her.

End chapter eleven

Love Tara? Hate what they did to her and Willow on Buffy? Let the ME, UPN and Fox know how you feel. Please take a few minutes to send an email and let the people at Buffy the Vampire Slayer how you feel. Write every week if you feel like it. They need to know we still miss Tara and want her back. I would consider it a personal favor. Thanks!