Please read the Disclaimer before continuing to remain in the site or reading the stories. These stories contain adult material with scenes of women loving women. Consider this story to have an R rating. If this is illegal in your state or you are underage, please go to a more appropriate site now.

Disclaimer: I don't own any Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters are mine.

Pairing: W/T... eventually

Angst Rating: Highest rating... buy stock in Kleenex

Rating: PG 13 for adult themes and eventual W/T goodness.

lcountry@quiknet.com

CHAPTER ONE:

Signs of the Christmas season were everywhere. Garish decorations filled store windows, and Tara swore if she saw one more red or green light she would scream.

"I love Christmas," Dawn said excitedly. She pulled Tara by the arm as she left the mall theater. "All the lights, the fake snow, fat men with much-needed seasonal work..." She pointed to the mall Santa surrounded by happy children.

Tara smiled and nodded her head. "Okay, so it does give weight-challenged men with white beards some much-needed joy."

"And it’s all about the joy," Dawn added as she tugged Tara toward a chocolate shop. "Speaking of joy..."

"Dawnie, you just ate a huge popcorn, a box of Juju-bees, and entire box of junior mints." Tara’s voice had a motherly tone that Dawn seemed to bring out in the blonde.

"One, the popcorn ... it’s corn ... a certifiable vegetable," Dawn began. She entered the chocolate shop and inhaled deeply. "Two, the mints? Hello? Junior mints ... junior ... as in tiny ... so small they shouldn’t even count."

"And the Juju-bees?" Tara asked as she raised one eyebrow.

"Practically fruit," Dawn swore.

Tara smirked, and her other eyebrow rose skeptically to join the first.

"Well, they are fruit-flavored," Dawn pointed out.

"One piece," Tara said tolerantly.

"One?" Tone pointed at the huge line of people at the counter. "It’ll take ten minutes just to get through that line. We should get at least five pieces."

Tara crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn’t going to budge.

"Okay, one piece..." Dawn relented. Of course, the young teen knew the rocky road candy came in half-pound chunks. She smiled and looked over at the glass counter.

"And not a two pound chunk of rocky road," Tara added quickly.

"I swear, no two pound chunk of candy." Dawn smiled innocently.

"Okay." Tara wrapped her arm around the young teen and bumped her with a hip. "Don’t get used to this spoiling, Dawnie. I’m only doing this to help the Christmas economy."

"Absolutely," Dawn agreed. "Though, you should’a helped me eat that popcorn earlier." She rubbed her belly and groaned. "Good God, that was a big bag," she joked.

Tara scrunched her face up and shook her head. Lately she hadn’t felt hungry to all. Just the thought eating made her queasy. ‘A broken heart will do that,’ she reminded herself. That thought made her think about her beloved Willow. She missed the redhead more than she could say, but she knew leaving had been the only choice. ‘I miss you, baby,’ she thought sadly. ‘Where are you? Are you happy?’

"She hasn’t used magic in almost five weeks," Dawn said quietly.

Tara furrowed her brow and gave Dawn a curious glance.

"You just got that sad look." Dawn gave Tara’s hand a gentle squeeze. "That ‘I’m-thinking-of-Willow-and-God-I-miss-her-so-much’ look you always get," Dawn explained.

"Oh," Tara said sadly. She looked around shop. The rich aroma was too much, and she grimaced as a broken heart induced wave of nausea washed over her. "Five weeks?" Tara smiled hopefully.

Dawn nodded enthusiastically.

"That’s good." Tara looked toward the exit.

"And she hasn’t even talked to Amy in weeks," Dawn added quickly. "Tara, she misses you. We all miss you."

"Dawn..." Tara sighed and rubbed her forehead. She suddenly had a pounding headache. "Just don’t," she whispered.

"But you guys are perfect together," Dawn whispered. "Just come by for dinner, please? You’ll see how much she’s changed. Not changed … you’ll see how much she’s like she used to be, before she got all … you know."

"Please don’t," Tara whispered. She looked down at the floor and a sob wracked her body.

"Oh, God, don’t cry." Dawn panicked and ran her hand up and down Tara’s arm. "Please don’t cry."

"I can’t see her like that again." Tara lifted her head and locked eyes with Dawn. Tears filled her blue eyes and her lips quivered. "You don’t understand."

"I do," Dawn insisted. "I’ve seen her at her worst. She’s better now," the teen swore. "Tara, I know this is killing you." She waved to hand at the blond witch. "You don’t even eat," she accused. "We’ve been out all day and you haven’t even had a soda."

"I don’t feel like eating," Tara admitted.

"You’re always lecturing me about nutrition," Dawn pointed out. She grabbed the blonde witch and pulled her out of the chocolate shop. "We’re going to that nasty salad place you like and you’re gonna’ eat ... you’re gonna’ eat healthy stuff."

"I can’t," Tara said quietly.

Dawn stopped so abruptly Tara ran into her. "What does that mean?" Dawn asked.

"N-nothing," Tara stuttered. "I j-just h-haven’t been feeling well."

"Yeah? Well, guess what? Not eating will do that to you," Dawn said angrily.

Tara looked down at the yellowing tiles of the mall floor. "Dawnie, I think it’s a s-side effect ... of ... of... Please, Dawnie, just don’t ask." She wiped a tear from her cheek with the back her hand and took a deep breath to center herself. "I need to get home." She lifted her head a cleared her throat. "C-can I drop you at the Magic Box?"

"Tara, don’t change the subject. A side effect of what?" Dawn demanded. Her eyes widened. "Of what Willow did to you?" Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "She made you sick?" She grabbed Tara’s hand and shook it. "Tell me," she begged. "Tara?"

Doubt and fear skittered over Tara’s face as the witch debated whether or not she should share her worst nightmare with Dawn.

"I f-feel... off," Tara admitted. "Tired, and I’m always sick to my stomach." She swallowed and looked into Dawn’s eyes. "M-my mom was like that b-before we f-found out about..." She wiped her eyes. "I, I s-shouldn’t have s-said anything." She pulled away from Dawn and headed toward the exit. "You don’t need to worry about this."

"Before you found out what?" Dawn ran to keep up with Tara. She didn’t know much about the blonde’s mother, only that she had been a powerful witch, and that she had died from a prolonged illness. "Oh, God!" Dawn grabbed Tara’s arm and yanked her to a stop. "Did your mom get sick from dark magic?"

"Yes," Tara said as she pulled out of Dawn’s grasp. "B-but I haven’t used it. J-just f-forget I said anything."

"Tara?" Dawn ran alongside her friend. "Could what Willow did to you have made you sick?"

Tara didn’t answer. She walked quickly out of the mall and down the sidewalk.

"Tara?" Dawn knew that dark magic had dire consequences, and she was imagining every horrible scenario possible. "Tara, have you been to a doctor?" she finally asked in a shaking voice.

"Dawnie, I’m fine." Tara heard the pain in the young teen’s voice. She turned and forced a tiny smile. "I’m just being panic-girl, ignore me. I probably j-just have the flu, and I’m overreacting."

"You don’t overreact," Dawn pointed out.

"Dawn, can we stop talking about this?" Tara pleaded.

"You’ll go to a doctor? Dawn persisted.

"You hate doctors," Tara pointed out.

"Tara?" Dawn wouldn’t relent.

"I’ll think about it," Tara whispered. "If I don’t feel better soon."

"I’m gonna’ keep bugging you," Dawn promised.

Tara rolled her eyes and walked toward the campus. She needed to check her messages in her dorm room, plus, cutting across the campus was the fastest way to get to the Magic Box.

"You wanna’ wait here?" Tara asked hopefully. The trek up the three flights of stairs always wore Tara out. She didn’t want Dawn asking any questions.

"Nah," Dawn said as she trotted up the stairs. "I’ll go with you."

Tara smiled and tried to gather her reserves. In the last few days, every time she made the trip up to the third floor, she had to make stops on each landing of the stairwell to rest. She knew if she did that today, Dawn would be suspicious. "Wait for me," she said with forced cheer.

"It’s so cool you got the third floor," Dawn said as she raced up the stairwell. "You can see the whole campus from your window."

"Uh huh." Tara followed the rambunctious teen up the stairs. By the time they reached the third floor, Tara was lightheaded. She paused in the doorway and rested against the wall. She was relieved that she didn’t live on the fourth floor. She knew she couldn’t have managed one more stair.

Dawn stopped in front of Tara’s door. After a moment, she turned to see what was taking Tara so long. Her eyes widened. "Tara!" Dawn yelled as she ran toward her friend.

Tara was sprawled on the floor next to the wall. She wasn’t moving. Dawn ran to the unconscious witch and rolled her onto her back.

"Tara, wake-up," Dawn pleaded. She ran her hand through the blonde’s hair and felt something wet and warm. She pulled her hand away and saw that her fingers were now covered with blood. "Somebody help me!" she yelled down the hall. "Help!"

Help came quickly. Several students covered Tara with a blanket while others called 911. Dawn refused to leave Tara’s side, but she did use one young woman’s cell phone to call Buffy at the Magic Box. By the time the ambulance brought Tara to Sunnydale Memorial, Buffy, Xander, and Anya were waiting.

"Dawn!" Buffy yelled when she saw her sister coming down the hall beside Tara. The blonde was on a gurney and she didn’t look happy about it.

"Let me up," Tara said with an uncharacteristically angry tone. "I’m fine!"

"Miss Maclay, you’re gonna’ need stitches, and we need to find out why you fainted," the EMT said. "It would help if you’d give us your medical history."

Tara frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. She glanced over at Dawn and then cringed when she saw Buffy and the others coming over. ‘At least Willow isn’t here,’ she thought as she closed her eyes and stopped fighting the urge to sleep. Her body relaxed and she sighed as darkness wrapped around her and pulled her into a warm, quiet place.

"Miss Maclay?" the EMT said nervously. He pressed his fingers to her throat and pulled the gurney to a stop as his partner went into action.

"She’s out again!" the second EMT yelled. He shoved past Dawn and began checking Tara’s blood pressure.

"What do we have?" Doctor Miller asked as she came around the desk.

"Twenty-one year old female, lost consciousness outside her dorm," the lead EMT said as they moved the gurney into an exam room. "Claims she doesn’t use drugs or drink. There’s a one inch gash on her scalp where she hit her head during the first LOC."

"How long was she out?" Doctor Miller asked. She pressed her stethoscope to Tara’s chest.

Dawn tried to go into the room but a nurse intercepted her.

"You’ll have to go to the waiting area." The nurse yanked the door closed blocking Tara from view.

"Dawn, what happened?" Buffy rested a hand on her sister’s shoulder.

"It’s Willow’s fault," Dawn said through clenched teeth.

"I thought Willow was on the wagon?" Xander said. "I can’t believe she’d hurt Tara." He shifted his weight from foot to foot and shivered. He hated hospitals.

"Willow’s been doing really good," Buffy said as confusion covered her face. "And Tara hasn’t even seen her."

"It’s from before," Dawn clarified. "What she did to Tara. It hurt her."

"Dark magic poisoning?" Anya asked. "It’s rare, but it can happen. Tara was certainly close enough to Willow to be affected."

"It’s what happened to Tara’s mom," Dawn continued. "Tara’s afraid she’s got what her mom did."

"That’s crazy," Buffy said angrily. "Her mom died of cancer."

All eyes locked on the Slayer.

"She told me," Buffy said quietly. "A few days after my mom’s funeral."

"If Tara’s mom was a sensitive, she could have gotten cancer from dark magic exposure." Anya nodded toward the door that kept them from Tara. "She could be one too. It’s hereditary."

"What is a ‘sensitive?’ And if Tara is one, why wouldn’t she have told us?" Xander was pacing like a caged cat.

"A sensitive is a witch who is especially open to the forces of nature," Anya explained. "They can tap the elements with relative ease, but if they use dark magic, it eats them away."

"Tara doesn’t use dark magic," Dawn said angrily.

"She helped bring Buffy back," Anya said casually. "Though one exposure shouldn’t have been enough to get her all cancery and dead."

"But Willow was using it before we even realized," Xander said with a shiver. "Exactly how sensitive are these sensitives?"

"If Tara’s a true sensitive, being connected to a lover who’s using dark magic could be enough," Anya said darkly.

"We don’t even know what’s wrong with her," Buffy whispered harshly. "It could be nothing." She looked down the hall and then moved toward the flimsy door to Tara’s room and rested her head against the wooden surface and listened.

"Is she okay?" Dawn asked.

"She’s a awake," Buffy said as she waved a hand at the others to quiet them. She closed her eyes and sighed as she heard the doctor say, ‘your left pupil is slightly larger than your right,’ and then she asked about Tara’s family history. Tara said something, but Buffy couldn’t make it out. The doctor began talking faster and started mentioning tests, CAT scans, MRIs, blood pressure readings, white blood cell counts, and other things Buffy never wanted to hear again as long as she lived. The physician seemed quite interested in Tara’s mother. Doctor Miller asked Tara about it and Buffy heard Tara’s voice clearly. She wished she hadn’t.

"Brain cancer," Tara said dejectedly on the other side of the door. "My aunt died from it too."

"God, no," Buffy backed away from the door and wrapped her arms around herself. She was chilled.

"What’d you hear with your Slayer hearing?" Xander asked impatiently.

"They’re not sure yet." Buffy’s mouth was completely dry.

"You heard something," Dawn accused.

"They don’t know anything yet," Buffy said angrily. "They have to do tests."

"Tests?" Dawn’s voice was small and her eyes filled with tears. "Like mom?"

"She’s gonna’ be fine." Buffy pulled Dawn into her arms and held her close. She needed the contact as much as the teen did.

"This is all Willow’s fault." Anya felt a warm tear slide down her cheek.

"Should we call her?" Xander asked.

"She’s in class," Buffy said without releasing Dawn.

"She doesn’t deserve to know," Anya said bitterly.

"Tara doesn’t want her here," Dawn said. She backed away from Buffy. "When she was awake in the ambulance, she made me swear I wouldn’t call Willow."

"I guess that answers my question," Xander said quietly. He leaned against the wall and wondered how long the mystery tests would take.

A few minutes later, one of the nurses came out with several vials of blood. The Scoobies stared as she hurried down the hall. The door opened again and Doctor Miller leaned out. "Buffy Summers?"

"Yeah?" Buffy stepped forward as the EMTs left the room.

"Miss Maclay would like to see you." Doctor Miller stepped back and motioned Buffy inside. She and the other nurse left to give them some privacy.

"I’ll give you guys the Tara update in a minute," the Slayer promised.

"Hurry," Dawn said as she watched the door close again.

"Hi," Buffy stood just inside the door and waved at Tara.

"Hey, Buffy." Tara smiled weakly. She was sitting up on the examining table. Her beautiful face was pale and chalky.

"So, how are you?" Buffy edged closer. Her eyes darted around the room taking in all the machines and medical equipment. It all looked sinister. "And don’t lie to me. I was scared to death when Dawn called." Buffy rushed the final few feet and gently hugged Tara. She sighed and stepped back with a relieved grin.

"Y-you were listening," Tara said as she looked down at the paper gown she was wearing.

"Slayer hearing." Buffy moved to the side of the bed and took Tara’s hand. "It could be nothing, right?"

Tara nodded and then squinted in pain. "Ouch." She gently touched the bandage on the side of her head. "Could just be a concussion." Tara tried to sound hopeful for Buffy’s sake. "You know, clumsy me … bumped my head." She shrugged and smiled sweetly.

"But why did you faint?" Buffy wasn’t going to let Tara off the hook. "Dawn said it’s because of Willow."

"I-I’m sure it’s n-nothing." Tara wouldn’t look into the Slayer’s eyes.

"Okay, so tell me everything," Buffy ordered. "From the beginning."

The blonde witch nodded. She explained that she had first felt different the day after the demon had made them all sing their innermost feelings. That morning after, she had assumed it was just because she was so hurt by the knowledge that Willow had toyed with her memory. The days after had been filled with another spell and then the stress of leaving Willow.

"You’ve been sick for six weeks and you didn’t go to see a doctor?" Buffy interrupted.

"No." Tara rolled her eyes. "I got better, but I started feeling icky again right after Dawn broke her arm."

"So you’ve been sick for a month, and you didn’t go to the doctor?" Buffy demanded.

"Well, um, yeah," Tara admitted.

"Okay, now is when I lecture you," Buffy warned. "Number one, you were sick and not only did you not go to the doctor, but you did not tell any of us." She glared at her friend. "Number two, you’re sick, and you obviously thought Willow was to blame, and yet you didn’t ask for our help."

"That really should be part of number one," Tara pointed out.

"I’m mad at you right now, remember?" Buffy sighed. "And worried," she added in a whisper.

"I’m sure it’s nothing," Tara said meekly.

Buffy actually growled. "No more secrets."

Tara nodded.

The two friends talked for a few minutes and then Buffy let the others know that they wouldn’t know anything until the tests came back. Doctor Miller was setting up x-rays and a CAT scan, but she wanted to wait for the blood tests before they did anything.

An hour later, Doctor Miller came back into Tara’s room. "Miss Maclay, can we talk privately?"

Buffy and Dawn were standing next to the bed. They both looked to the blonde witch expectantly. The two sisters wanted to hear the news firsthand.

"W-will you wait outside?" Tara asked. "And no listening," she whispered to Buffy.

‘No secrets,’ Buffy mouthed. She blushed and pulled Dawn into the hall. "Soda?" Buffy asked her sister.

"Xander and Anya went, remember?" Dawn blew out a puff of air.

"Yeah, he does tend to go overboard on the whole hunter-gatherer deal," Buffy agreed.

Dawn stared at the door. "So, what are they saying in there?"

"I promised not to listen." Buffy leaned against the opposite wall. "Guess some things are private, ya’ know?"

"Yeah," Dawn agreed glumly.

A loud crash in Tara’s room made both sisters jump.

"No!" Tara yelled from inside the room.

Buffy froze. She didn’t know what to do. Her instinct was to rush into the room, but something made her pause. She saw Dawn heading for the door and finally moved into action. "She’ll ask for us if she wants us in there," Buffy said as she held Dawn by the arm.

"Buffy," Dawn whined.

"No," Buffy insisted. They stood next to the door for a few minutes before the doctor came out.

"She’s asking for you, Miss Summers," Doctor Miller said quietly. "Make sure she comes back tomorrow. We have an appointment for her. It’s very important that she gets seen."

Buffy nodded and rushed into the room with Dawn on her heels. Tara had her back to the door and was struggling to put on her pants. She was still a bit dizzy and couldn’t lift her leg without leaning onto the bed.

"Tara?" Dawn asked tentatively.

The blonde witch spun and almost fell over. She shook her head as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Dawnie, p-please leave us alone." She covered her face with one hand and slumped onto the bed.

"Tara?" Buffy wrapped her friend in her arms as the witch sobbed uncontrollably.

"I’ll, I’ll be right outside," Dawn said as she backed toward the door. She had never seen Tara this upset before, and it unsettled her. Her back hit the door and she spun and bolted from the room.

"Shh," Buffy whispered. She rubbed Tara’s back as the sobs slowed. "Is it… like your mom?" she asked gently.

"Oh, Buffy." Tara squeezed Buffy tighter as a fresh wave of sobs erupted.

*****

"It’s bad," Dawn told Xander when he came back with an armload of vending machine snack food. "Really bad." The young teen had tears running down her cheeks. "She made me leave the room."

"Well, they should tell us something," Anya said nervously. "They can’t just leave us out here not knowing. That’s wrong." She turned to her lover. "Xander, do something. Go find something out." She shoved him toward the door, but he stiffened at the thought of hearing bad news.

"Anya, stop it." Xander scooted away from the door just as it swung open. "Ya!" He stumbled back and hit the opposite wall. "Buffy?"

The Slayer’s eyes were red and swollen and she sniffled. She opened the door the rest of the way and moved into the hall. Tara was leaning against Buffy. The blonde witch looked like she was in shock, but worse than that, Buffy looked like a tiny gust of wind would knock them both over.

"Oh, god." Anya covered her mouth with both hands and began to cry.

"We need to get Tara into bed," Buffy said hollowly. She glanced over at Anya and swallowed with a gulp. "We need books from the shop first, research."

Tara nodded but her eyes were unfocused. She stared down the hall as a steady stream of tears fell from her eyes.

"What is it?" Xander asked.

"Not now, Xander," Buffy said in a defeated tone. She helped Tara down the hall and never looked back.

They rode back to the shop in silence. Xander drove with Anya sitting next to him. Tara sat in the back seat with Buffy on one side and Dawn on the other. Dawn held the witch’s hand and refused to let go. Throughout the short drive, Buffy and Tara exchanged worried glances.

"Just what we need," Anya said as Xander parked. She pointed across the street to the front of the shop where Willow was pacing.

"Buffy?" Tara’s voice was panicked.

"You want her to leave?" Buffy asked gently.

"I don’t know," Tara admitted. She fell into Buffy’s arms and sobbed.

"Well, I know." Anya jumped out of the car and ran across the street.

"Anya!" Willow yelled. She smiled with relief. "I was sacred to death. I mean, you closing the shop… losing profit, I kinda’ panicked."

"It’s bad enough you hurt Dawn," Anya said angrily. "Now you had to go and get Tara all killed and dead."

Willow’s chest felt as if all the air had been sucked from her body. She stumbled to a stop and stared at the former demon. "Tara?" Her whole world imploded and her vision blurred with tears.

"Geez, Anya." Xander ran up behind his girlfriend. "She’s not dead," he clarified as he moved Anya toward the shop door.

"Not yet," Anya further clarified. "But she’s dying, and it’s all your fault." She unlocked the door with shaking hands.

"What the hell’s wrong with you?" Willow yelled. She rushed toward Anya. "How could you scare me like that?" She froze at the edge of the sidewalk when she saw Buffy half-carrying Tara from the car. "Baby?" she whispered.

Tara’s eyes narrowed and her entire body stiffened. She leaned into Buffy and took a deep breath. She hadn’t seen Willow in almost an entire month, and she was still reeling from her encounter at the hospital.

"We need some space, Will," Buffy said as soon as they got within a few feet of the redhead.

"What’s wrong?" Willow spun and followed Buffy as she helped Tara inside and sat her at the desk at the back of the shop. When neither Tara nor Buffy would answer, she turned toward easier targets. "Xander? Dawn?"

"I hate you!" Dawn burst into tears and ran past Willow.

Tempers did not improve once they were all inside the shop. Anya went to the counter so she could count the money to soothe her nerves. Tara made a list of books and gave it to Buffy. The Slayer took the list to Anya while Willow edged closer to the desk.

"Tara, please tell me what’s going on," Willow asked as she knelt down on her knees so she could look into her ex-lover’s eyes. "I’m scared," she admitted to the blonde.

"So am I," Tara said coldly. "I need to not see you right now." Tara rubbed her temples with both hands.

"What the hell do you want these for?" Anya asked Buffy. She stared at Tara’s list in horror. "My god, the apocalypse is at hand and no one told me! Why am I always the last to know?"

"Will someone please tell me what’s going on?" Willow asked as she backed away from Tara. Her eyes reflected her broken heart. She knew something was wrong with Tara, and she knew she was the cause. Knowing that was painful enough, but being kept in the dark cut deeper than her withdrawal from dark magic had.

"Yes, please, information would be a nice refreshing change," Anya chimed in. She carried a stack of books from under the counter with her as she went to the desk. "That bottom one is really bad news," she whispered.

Buffy stood next to Tara and waited for the witch to decide.

"Dark magic always has consequences," Tara said hoarsely. She let her eyes drift shut and pinched the bridge of her nose and willed her hands to stop shaking. She opened her eyes and looked over at Willow. "I knew that, and I chose to stay, so this is my fault too. I should have left sooner."

Willow took a few steps forward. She wanted to take Tara in her arms, but she knew she’d lost that right. "What is it?" she asked gently.

Tara swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. She locked eyes with Willow. "I’m pregnant," Tara said darkly.

CHAPTER TWO:

"Pregnant?" Willow staggered backward and would have fallen if Xander hadn’t caught her.

"Okay, put me in the shocked category," Xander said as he settled Willow onto unsteady feet.

"Oh, good lord!" Anya exclaimed. "We’re gonna’ need the really dark books." She spun and ran to the counter.

Dawn stared at Tara and blinked.

"Are you sure?" Willow asked. She wanted to go to Tara, but she couldn’t seem to make her feet move.

Tara nodded. She wanted nothing more than to fall into Willow’s arms and have the redhead swear it would all be okay, but she stayed seated and kept her face impassive. Losing herself again wouldn’t help anyone.

"And while two chicks having a baby is way off the believable scale, I’m not seeing the apocalypse angle here." Xander leaned toward Tara. "This, uh, um… this is Willow’s doing, right?"

"Yes!" Tara glared at Xander.

"How can you even ask that?" Willow yelled. "Tara would never be unfaithful." She moved closer to her maligned lover. "This is my fault," she added quietly. "It’s because of the dark magic, isn’t it?"

Tara frowned and nodded. Her lower lip quivered and her eyes brimmed with tears.

"I’m so sorry, baby." Willow couldn’t fight the urge to go to Tara any longer. She went to the blonde and dropped to her knees in front of Tara. "Tara…"

"Oh, Willow." Tara ran her hand through her ex-lover’s hair and then pulled Willow to her.

"I didn’t know," Willow sobbed. She clung to Tara’s waist and trembled.

"I know." Tara ran her hand down Willow’s back. She couldn’t stop her hand from offering comfort. Even though she was terrified, seeing Willow’s pain demanded a response. "I know you didn’t plan this."

"Well, that won’t stop the evil," Anya said as she slammed another stack of books onto the table.

"How can a little baby be evil?" Dawn asked.

"It’s probably a demon," Anya replied calmly. "Or at least half-demon." She nodded. "Definitely at least half-demon."

"So, uh, how exactly does this work?" Xander looked like his brain was about to suffer a hard drive crash.

"There are three possibilities." Anya flipped through one of the books as she spoke. "First, the demon spawn is Tara’s kid with whatever demon Willow was tapping for her dark magic."

Dawn’s eyes widened and she took a step away from Willow.

"Second, it could be Willow’s kid spawned from whatever demon she was tapping for her dark power," Anya continued.

"There was no tapping of any demon," Willow said defensively. She sniffled and lifted her head from Tara’s lap.

"Whatever." Anya rolled her eyes. "The third choice is that this spawn is both Tara and Willow’s kid, which we really do not want."

"Hey!" Tara pulled Willow closer. "That sounds better than a demon spawn." She frowned. "And quit calling it a spawn!"

"If this … kid … was created by dark magic, from both of you, it’s because Willow’s demon master needs a body so it can come into this world," Anya said.

"Can I just point out that I have no demon master?" Willow took Tara’s hand. "I would know if I had a demon master, right?"

"If the kid is fully human, and the demon uses it as the vessel to come into this world," Anya said slowly. "It won’t be born." She cleared her throat. "It’ll have claws and use Tara as … nourishment." She slid the book over to Tara.

"Oh, goddess." Tara’s face paled. She stared at the ancient drawing of a pregnant woman with a horrific creature ripping out of her swollen belly. "I knew it was from dark magic, but I didn’t…"

"That doesn’t look human at all." Willow covered her mouth and almost puked.

"Duh," Anya said. "Once the demon takes over the body, it’ll become a full fledged demon. It’ll need lots of nutritious food … meat, and guess what the mother becomes?"

"Meat?" Dawn asked. She flopped into a chair and swallowed with a gulp.

"Meat," Anya agreed. "We should really hope it’s option number one or two. We can at least kill those."

"We aren’t even sure it’s evil," Willow said as she spun to face Anya.

"Buffy, you should slay it now before it gets any bigger." Anya waved a hand at Tara.

"Can’t we save the baby?" Tara asked. "It’s innocent." She pulled Willow’s hand back to her lap. "Buffy and I agreed not to do anything until we know for sure."

"Innocent?" Anya poked the book in front of Tara.

"I am not hurting a helpless baby," Buffy said with disgust. "Tara and I talked at the hospital. No way. If it’s evil once it’s born, then we’ll decide."

"Did you see the pictures?" Anya pointed at the book. "I know you’re not big with the reading, but I thought you could understand pictures."

"I don’t care about the pictures." Buffy grabbed the book and closed it. "How do we make sure what this thing is?" She pointed at Tara’s belly.

Willow scooted closer and covered Tara’s belly with both hands. "It’s not a thing." Her eyes narrowed.

"This is exactly why this thing chose Tara." Anya sighed and began pacing. "It knew both these two bleeding hearts would get all sentimental about this spawn and act like it was theirs." She pointed at the book. "If we don’t deal with this now, we will all have bleeding hearts, and livers, and spleens, and every other organs their hell-pup decides to snack on."

"We need to identify what it is," Tara said firmly. She gently pushed Willow back and then stood. "Then I’ll decide what to do." She took a shuttering breath and slowly let it out as she looked down at Willow. "I … I … even is it is … bad, I don’t think I can hurt it." Her heart ached at the thought of harming any child that came from her and Willow.

"Two words," Anya interrupted. "Hell … spawn."

"It’s Tara’s choice." Willow stood and moved to her former lover’s side. She didn’t want Tara in jeopardy, but she wouldn’t let anyone else make this difficult decision for the blonde.

"Yes, well, as much as I am a firm believer in a woman’s right to choose, if we don’t kill this thing now, even Buffy won’t stand a chance against it." Anya flipped through one of the older texts and found the page she was looking for. "Oh, crap." She sighed and rubbed her chin.

"What?" Buffy asked.

"Nothing," Anya lied.

Dawn rushed forward and grabbed the book. She scanned the page and dropped the ancient text, and then glared at Willow.

"Dawnie?" Willow asked. She couldn’t bear seeing the anger and hatred in her young friend’s eyes.

"She’s the sacrifice," Dawn said as she pointed at Tara. "It says that every creature created by dark magic needs a human sacrifice, an innocent mother to bring it forth."

"A mother who dies," Anya added.

"Put it in me," Willow said instantly. "Can’t we move it into me and save Tara?"

"No!" Tara crossed her arms over her chest. "Willow, no."

"I won’t do any spells," Willow quickly clarified. "But there must be something you can do … move it to me so you’ll be safe. You shouldn’t have to be hurt because of my … addiction."

"No." Tara shook her head. She would never allow her beloved Willow to die in her place.

"Besides, Willow is no innocent. It wouldn’t work." Anya paced as she tried to think of something that might help. She kept glancing back at Tara, but she said nothing.

"Are we sure it was dark magic?" Buffy asked.

"Willow’s the only one I’ve been with," Tara said angrily.

"Hello, gay now. Gay … always!" Willow pointed at Tara indignantly.

"Could it be magic of the non dark kind?" Buffy rolled her eyes. "Geez, like I really thought Tara would be out with some guy."

"For magic based in light, it would take an active spell," Tara said sadly. "With our minds unified to the task." She frowned. "I didn’t forget some spell we did, did I?" she asked suspiciously.

"No! Tara, I would never make you forget something like that." Willow’s face crumbled. "I mean, why should you trust me? But Tara, I swear, I would never, ever do that."

"Yeah." Tara nodded. "I just wish you had," she whispered. "Not lied, but well, then this wouldn’t be … you know."

"Yeah," Willow whispered. She cleared her throat. "We should get with the research." She grabbed one of the books and carried it to the far side of the shop and sat on one of the bean bag chairs. She didn’t think Tara would want to be near her, so she was giving her ex-lover as much space as the small shop allowed.

Tara watched Willow cross the shop. She wanted to ask the redhead to stay with her, but she didn’t want to impose. Willow hadn’t planned on a pregnancy anymore that Tara had, and both young witches were in shock. Add to that the fact that this particular child was most likely a demonic portent of the apocalypse, and it made for a tense situation at best. Tara sighed and went back to her research. Every few minutes she would glance over at Willow. She loved the way the redhead would chew the end of a pencil when she was in research mode, but then she remembered what they were researching and her spirits fell.

"Why do you have that book?" Anya asked Buffy.

"Just checking … stuff." Buffy bit her lip and frowned. "Did you know, there are over a dozen ways for two women to … you know…" She waved her hands in the air and blushed.

"Oh, there are way more than a dozen ways to do that," Anya said as her eyes glazed over. "Way more." She smiled sensually.

"Not that!" Buffy tapped on the book in her hand. "The baby deal!"

"Oh, well, yeah, that too." Anya peeked at the book. "The Dianic Rites?" she read the title. "You’re wasting your time. This book doesn’t have any dark magic."

"I know that." Buffy looked over at Willow and then glanced across the room to where Tara was sitting. "I just thought maybe there was another way."

"Maybe you should save this new optimistic streak for some time when we aren’t all about to be devoured by demonic hell spawn," Anya said sagely. She patted Buffy’s shoulder awkwardly. "But keep that attitude around for my wedding. I want lots of smiles in the wedding photos." She turned and walked away.

"I’ll keep that in mind," Buffy whispered as she shook her head. She looked over the next page and frowned as she read another spell. Most required complex potions and intricate rituals, and a few had rather graphic sketches of exactly how certain salves had to be applied. Buffy couldn’t imagine Willow and Tara accidentally doing any of those things; unfortunately, she was now imagining them doing certain things she had seen in the drawings. She was sure she would blush every time she saw either witch.

"Hey…" Buffy whispered as she found a spell that only required one herb. Her eyes widened and she looked over at Willow before reading the rest of the spell. After a few minutes she decided to get some expert advice.

"Hey, Buffy." Tara looked up at the Slayer and attempted a smile, but it never reached her sorrow-filled eyes.

"Tara, um, can I talk to you?" Buffy bit her lip and nodded at the chair next to the blonde witch.

Tara nodded and gave the Slayer her full attention.

"I found something." Buffy shoved the book into Tara’s hands.

"Oh." Tara didn’t look at the text in her hands. She had dealt with all the bad news she could for one day.

"Aren’t you gonna’ read it?" Buffy asked nervously.

Tara sighed and looked down at the page Buffy had opened the text to. "This isn’t dark magic," Tara pointed out before she even read the spell. "I read this growing up, and it’s completely harmless."

"I know." Buffy glanced over at Willow to make sure the other witch wasn’t paying attention. "Wait, you read this when you were a kid?" Her eyes bulged. "Your mother let you read this?"

"Buffy, what was your point?" Tara asked with a half smile.

"Oh, yeah." Buffy checked on Willow again. She didn’t want to get both of their hopes up. "Didn’t Willow use that ‘leafy bramble’ on you?"

"Lethe’s Bramble," Tara corrected. It still hurt to think about Willow’s betrayal.

"Well, could you have accidentally done a spell like this?" she whispered as she tapped the book. "I mean, I know chanting during … um … well, during an orgasm is a long-shot … god, I sound like Anya." She sighed and cleared her throat. "I just thought maybe…" Her voice trailed off as an image of Willow and Tara pranced uninvited through her mind. She blushed furiously.

Tara crinkled her brow and looked down at the book. She read the page and suddenly felt lightheaded. "Oh, goddess," she whispered. She flipped back a few pages and then reread the spell again. "This…" She pointed at the page and then looked over at Willow.

"Tara?" Buffy whispered. "It’s silly, I know. I shouldn’t have, you know."

"Oh, goddess," Tara repeated. She covered her eyes with one hand and sighed. "Willow," she whispered as she released a tiny sob.

"No, I didn’t mean to make you cry," Buffy said as she rested her hand over Tara’s on the book.

"Buffy," Tara said as she moved her hand away from her face. "Willow didn’t do this." She looked down at her belly. "I did."

*****

Back to Willow and Tara Page

On to Part Two- chapters 3-4